John A. LaVoie ran a massage and prostitution business in his Tucson building that went under the name of Angel's Heaven. He claimed that Angel's Heaven was part of his church and was funded by donations.

The jury didn't seem to think that this sort of outreach service was part of the Lord's works; they found LaVoie guilty of 22 civil counts of racketeering. He was ordered to forfeit $850,000 he earned from the prostitution business and $81,000 in cash police seized during a raid. The 52 year-old was also ordered to give up an office building worth up to $1 million.

(sigh) I wonder would Jesus would say? Or should that be, I wonder what Jesus would donate...

AZ Central

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:55 AM | Permalink

Office Depot employee, Shaun Philistin, was disgruntled with his manager and was planning to rob the store's cash in revenge. Last week, with his friend, William Clairvin, Philistin put his dastardly plan into action.

On July 22nd, about an hour before the store opened, two masked men (that is, Clairvin and Philstin) confronted the manager. Tied up and confronted with violent behavior, the manager told the two masked villains to take what they wanted. Then it all started to go pear shaped. As the men left the manager's office, the door automatically shut and locked behind them. Obviously still fired up, the men tied up two employees, before trying, unsuccessfully, to get back into the officer.

By now the police had been called, and the two friends fled the scene towards their getaway car - a Cadillac. Unfortunately for them, they had to ask for jumper cables to start the car. Apparently the Cadillac belongs to Philistin and always has to be started from under the hood. Perhaps that should be Philistine with an 'e'...

Both men face charges of armed robbery with a firearm, aggravated assault, aggravated battery, grand theft, false imprisonment and use of a firearm during the commission of a felony.

Florida Today

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:35 AM | Permalink

Just a shame that it's in China!

Leng Qiang had been on the police 'wanted' list for two years after robbing a nightclub. Then police got lucky, hearing on the grapevine that Qiang had a new girlfriend and could possibly be hiding at her place. However, when the police arrived at the girlfriend's place, they found that her family was in situ, preparing for a wedding. What is more, the girlfriend was obviously pregnant.

The police waited outside the house for two days to avoid interrupting the wedding and to save embarrassing the family of the bride. As if that wasn't enough, once the wedding was over the police decided that the newly married couple should be allowed to enjoy their wedding night. So they planned the arrest for the following morning.

When police eventually did break in, the groom was still sleeping. The bride had no idea that her new husband was wanted by police and said that it was a bit late to find out now.

Aah!

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:31 AM | Permalink

Tommy Gill obviously hasn't been going to bed early enough; what other explanation is there for being found fast asleep in a child's bed - surrounded by stolen possessions?

A mother and her two children arrived home at about 11 o'clock at night after having been to a family get together. The 10 year old girl pointed out that the light was on, which it shouldn't have been. Sensing something was up, the mother sent her two children into the kitchen for milk and cookies, whereupon the family realized that the back door had been smashed in.

Gill was found fast asleep in the 12 year-old-boy's bed and, according to the children's mother, it took, police quite a while to wake him up. Twenty-seven year old Gill had picked up a rucksack and stuffed the boy's new X box computer and games into it. He also raided the boy's money box which contained 120 pounds he had saved up for his holiday. Having stuffed the cash down his trousers, Gill headed upstairs - and promptly fell asleep.

After he was arrested Gill told police he had taken 15 Valium tablets and was deeply sorry to the family for what he had done.

Gill, who has been branded 'Goldilocks' by the police, will appear for sentencing at Portsmouth Crown Court next month.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

Okay, who among you has never put something on top of your car and then forgotten about it when driving off? So all that's different in this case is that it was the guy's wife on top of the car and not his lighter.

Husband and wife, Diamond and Monica Mircea, were fighting in the early hours of Sunday morning. Witnesses said they saw the couple leave the house, whereupon Diamond jumped into the car and she climbed onto the car's roof to try to stop him.

Apparently, Diamond drove one block before his wife fell to the street and hit her head. Man, she's got some staying power, ain't she!

Monica Mircea is now hospitalized in critical condition. Diamond Mircea has been charged with vehicular assault and driving while intoxicated. What a gem of a man he is.

wcbstv

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

This one takes a pop a lawyers, but I couldn't resist bringing it to you.

The conversation took place between a policeman and the defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

PoliceLink

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

Sgt. Jay Newton took a real licking from eighteen-year-old Ryan Halverson when he arrested him on suspicion of being drunk last Wednesday.

As he was taking items from the handcuffed Halverson's pockets, the prisoner leaned over and licked the officer on the left cheek. Newton moved out of range in time to avoid a second lick. Halverson was rewarded with a charge of assault on an officer; he's currently languishing in Brazoria County Jail on $10,000 bond.

Police Chief Jeff Pynes commented, "We want people to like our officers, but not to lick them."

Pynes went onto say that licking could be serious because of the risk of disease. Quite. Halverson has no idea where Newton's face has been.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

That hunk of a celebrity footballer, Thierry Henry, is heading for a nasty battle - he's told his ex-wife not to expect a cash settlement from him. Ex-wife, Claire Merry, has asked for $20 million; Henry has told her to prepare for a tough battle.

The Henry divorce was precipitated by a raunchy text message on the footballer's phone, he unfortunately scored an own goal when Madame Henry found it.

Merry and Henry, who sound suspiciously like a double act, were married for 4 years and have a daughter, Tea Henry.

Merry vowed to take Henry to the cleaners in an endeavor to get as much as possible out of him.

Not such a merry ending.

Stupid Celebrities Gossip

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

Trooper, Nicholas Cortes, stopped a westbound Cadillac for following another vehicle too closely and asked for permission to search the car.

Cortes' search unearthed 1,000 individual packets of heroin with a street value of $25,000, four bags of marijuana and four vials of an unknown yellow liquid, and about $3,000 in cash.

The five occupants of the car were arrested on charges of possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver, conspiracy, possession of a controlled substance and possession of a small amount of marijuana. They were sent to Monroe County Prison under $80,000 bail.

If the famous five had been regular readers of Dumb Justice, they would have known better. In fact, Dumb Justice should be mandatory reading for all self-respecting criminals.

Morning Call

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

Anne Hathaway of The Devil Wears Prada fame (as opposed to the one of Shakespeare fame) has had her diaries seized by the FBI. If they were short of a little bedside reading, I would suggest they'd be better off with the original Ann Hathaway's diaries!

Hathaway (Mark II) allegedly split up with Raffaello Follieri last month, shortly before his arrest on suspicion of dodgy dealings. Her ex-paramour was charged with a dozen counts of federal wire fraud conspiracy and money laundering and will remain in jail until he can post $21 million bail.

Hathaway, meanwhile, has been partying fit to bust at the Martini Beach restaurant, where she karaoke'd the night away.

Gossip Girls
Celebrity Cafe

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:31 AM | Permalink

A Cincinnati woman has been charged with aggravated assault after trying to stuff a peanut into the mouth of a nut allergic neighbor. The accused is Robyn Lee, who appeared in court on Monday, and who was also charged with 'related criminal damage.'

Police records reveal that Lee and her nut allergic neighbor were in the car when the incident happened, en route to the mall. Once they reached the mall, the assaults continued, with Lee allegedly throwing peanuts at her neighbor. The neighbor also noticed Lee 'messing with my tires' shortly afterwards. She did find that the windscreen wipers were torn off, the tires deflated, and the paintwork had been keyed. So that will be the related criminal damage, then.

For the assault with a deadly peanut, a judge set Lee's bond at $5,000 and ordered her to stay away from Ferguson. I'd want her to stay away from my car too!

Cincinnati.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

At the beginning of July, two men broke into the Fred Meyer department store northeast of Seattle. They were arrested soon afterwards.

Officers followed a trail of cardboard and items from store storage containers; a trail that led to two sleeping men. One was sleeping in a stolen hammock and the other on a pile of stolen pillows.

Police say they photographed the less than dynamic duo before waking them up so they could be arrested. Apparently, alcohol was involved and the men have been charged with second degree burglary.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:48 AM | Permalink

A thirteen year old girl being transported in a prison van took advantage of the situation when her driver got lost. He left her in the van while he went to ask for directions. Not one to miss an opportunity like that, the girl scrambled into the driver's seat and drove away. She was shackled and handcuffed at the time.

Eventually, with the traffic against her and the Lynwood and State Police in full pursuit, the girl got boxed in at a junction and was arrested.

She was charged with aggravated fleeing and eluding, and possession of a stolen motor vehicle and is due to appear in Court on August 5th.

Chicago Sun Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:08 AM | Permalink

Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil has been jailed for perverting the course of justice and beating up a pub landlord. The 26 year old was sentenced to 27 months and told by Judge David Radford at Snaresbrook Crown Court, East London, that he had behaved in a "gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful" way.

Fielder-Civil, and his friend beat up the landlord of the Macbeths pub in Hoxton, East London, in June 2006. The landlord sustained such serious injuries that he needed plates put into his face to repair a broken cheekbone.

Cowardly Fielder-Civil and his friend enlisted two other friends to pay Mr King $400,000 to ensure he did not testify. The so-called friends then attempted to sell footage of the pay-off to a newspaper reporter.

Nothing funny about any of that eh? No - but what is funny is the fact that Fielder-Civil appealed to a judge to let him walk free so he could become a role model for the troubled singer. That's like asking Britney to model the perfect mother.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:06 AM | Permalink

Falls Asleep!

Fernando Adrian Rios broke into the car at a 200 block apartment complex in Placentia. When police responded to the call, they found Rios in the vehicle, asleep, with the car's stereo in his lap, whereupon they removed him from the car and handcuffed him.

In an attempt at humor, Police Chief Jim Anderson said, "We read him his Miranda rights and asked him if he wanted to remain silent. Then we woke him up."

Rios apparently told the police that he was tired and didn't know who the car belonged to. In his possession police found an iPod and a Bluetooth set, which were later identified as the property of the car owner. He also had a shaved key, which police believe he used to break in to the car. Police say that in his lifetime, Rios has broken into 50 cars, 10 of which were from the Placentia apartment block.

And after all this, Rios pleads not guilty! No wonder the police branded him the dumbest criminal ever.

OCRegister

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:19 PM | Permalink

When restaurant workers arrived for work in Dayton this week, they were faced with the sight of a middle aged, naked man sitting on his front porch and fondling himself. When police arrived, the 58 year old told them "It's OK. I'm a nudist. It's hot out." By his side was a 40 ounce half-empty container of alcohol. Once the man had put on his clothes, he was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of public indecency.

Why is it never young, fit, good-looking people who break the laws of public decency?

Springfield News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:12 PM | Permalink

Oh, and that was after he pulled up the tank top and bra of a 17-year-old girl in the same parking lot. The very aptly named Andy Dick was arrested on charges of drug possession and sexual battery; he was described by officers as being "extremely intoxicated." When searched, marijuana and Xanax were found in the not very funny comedian's pockets.

The (oops, sorry,) Mr Dick was booked at 4:30am on felony possession of narcotics, misdemeanor possession of marijuana and misdemeanor sexual battery. He was later released on $5,000 bail from the Riverside County jail. His court date was set for August 12

The Gossip Girls

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:45 AM | Permalink

A woman from Springfield, Massachusetts has accused Wal-Mart, local health officials and Cox Health Systems of discriminating against Richard, her 10-year-old bonnet macaque. Debby Rose contends that Richard is no ordinary monkey but that he is a service animal that helps her curb public panic attacks that she says occur as a result of her social anxiety disorder.

Apparently, back in 2006, Health officials sent letters to restaurants and grocery stores, advising them not to let Rose in with the monkey. Rose also alleges that she and Richard were denied access to the offices of Cox Health Systems.

Rose's argument is that Springfield-Greene County Health Department lack the authority to decide that Richard is not a service animal under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Perhaps the social anxiety disorder is the least of Ms Rose's health problems.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:32 AM | Permalink

Khloe Kardashian is off to prison in a couple of days time, she has until this Friday, July 18th to turn herself in. The reality show star was ordered to spend up to 30 days in jail for violating a probation order stemming from a 2007 drunken driving arrest.

So, given that it was booze that got her into this mess, how do you think Kardashian spent her last few hours before being incarcerated? That's right, she went bar hopping in LA, apparently making appearances at the trendy Villa Lounge, as well as stopping by the Gamespot party at the Goa night club. She posed for photographers and sipped champagne with friends before being picked up by a car service and taken home.

Well, at least she had the good sense not to drive.

Oh, and Kardashian's late father gained fame for helping to represent O.J. Simpson after his accusation for murder. I know there's a joke there somewhere, I just can't find it.

The Gossip Girls

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:21 AM | Permalink

When a Kimberly Cole found her partner, Joel Goldsmith, smoking cocaine in their bathroom, she turned the shower on him to wash away the drugs. When he refused to stop smoking the cocaine, she whacked him with the toilet seat.

The Florida couple was arrested. Cole was charged with battery and Goldsmith with possession of cocaine.

Okay - why was there a lone toilet seat lying around? Perhaps she wasn't just pissed at the dope smoking, what really sparked her anger was the fact that the seat had been lying there for ages waiting for Goldsmith to get around to fixing it.

Firstcoastnews.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

Sandusky Sheriff's Office were quick to respond to a report of cows on the road on Saturday. A deputy sent to the area sorted the problem out pretty swiftly too, he accidentally struck one of the cows as he was driving to the scene. Well, darn thing ran into the road!

The cow's owner came to the scene and the family gathered the rest of the other cows that had become loose.

The deputy was not hurt in the crash. But the cow that was struck was taken away because of its injuries.

Steak for dinner again?

Port Clinton News Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

According to CBS News, Christie Brinkley wants Cook in her children's lives - presumably referring to her estranged husband, Peter Cook, whom she is divorcing.

I think that CBS probably misheard - what Brinkley wants is A Cook in her children's lives. After all, Uptown Girls don't bake cookies. Do they?

CBS News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:43 AM | Permalink

That's what friends of Crocodile Dundee, Paul Hogan, should be saying to him right now.

Hogan has challenged Australian Tax Authorities to locate him in the US and get him for tax evasion. The actor, who predicts that if he lands in Australia he will be arrested, claims that Australian tax officials are illegally trying to get his banking records and documents to charge him.

Stupid Celebrities Gossip

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:43 AM | Permalink

When two trailers of bananas, worth an estimated $40,000 went missing in Delaware, State Police Cpl. Jeffrey Whitmarsh was heard to comment "Someone's got a whole lot of potassium."

The trailers, minus bananas, were found in the Bronx on Saturday.

Altogether now: Daylight come, an me wan go home

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:15 AM | Permalink

Rule Number One: Do not leave search terms like "ethylene glycol death human" on your computer.

James Keown poisoned his wife with Gatorade and antifreeze over a period several months before administering a final, fatal does on Sept. 4, 2004. He killed her for her $250,000 life insurance policy because he was deeply in debt.

The defense told the jury that Julie Keown could have committed suicide or accidentally ingested the chemical. No antifreeze was found in the Keowns' home. However, a computer expert told the court that two days before Julie Keown entered the hospital the first time, James Keown's computer showed he did a search using the words "ethylene glycol death human."

Keown has been sentenced to life imprisonment without parole.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:26 AM | Permalink

Apparently, in Florida it is against the law to grab your husband's genitals and hold them in a vice-like grip! I wonder what led to that being put on the statute books.

Sadine Harris obviously wasn't aware of this law and having "gone busting into the bedroom and grabbing her husband'scrotch and refusing to let go" she has been charged with felony domestic battery.

Mr Harris "had to pry Sadine's fingers off of his his genitals and force her off of him," according to the deputy's report.

Wouldn't you just love to hear the 911 call for that one?

nwfdailynews.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:14 AM | Permalink

THIS WOMAN WAS!

Officers in Kentucky say they have arrested a woman who traded sex for a $100 gasoline card and other 'luxuries.'

The woman, thirty four year old Angela Eversole, was charged with prostitution and doing business without an occupational license. She pleaded not guilty at her arraignment yesterday. The man who paid the woman has also been arrested.

Cincinnati.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:27 AM | Permalink

If you thought US law was an ass, just be glad you don't live in Holland!

A new Dutch law has banned the smoking of tobacco inside cafes and restaurants but it continues to be perfectly legal to smoke cannabis. The result? Smokers in the renowned coffee shops of Amsterdam, where people flock from all over the world to buy and smoke cannabis legally, are now having to roll their joints and fill their pipes with pure marijuana.

Those who cannot take the effects of smoking their leaf of choice in its purest form are having to go out onto the streets, where smoking tobacco is legal, so they can 'dilute' their joints. However, smoking marijuana out on the streets is illegal.

And how is this policed?

Apparently, the Dutch Food and Consumer Product Safety Authority has trained 200 inspectors to detect the difference between a "mixed or a pure joint."

The world is going to pot.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:10 AM | Permalink