... and Catching Crooks Comes Way Down the List.

A couple from Fort Walton Beach in Florida awoke to find a half-eaten hot-dog in their spare bedroom. Unfortunately, beside the half-eaten snack was the husband's wallet - opened and with the contents spread out around it.

However, this was a Sunday morning and church beckoned so, rather than contact police, the couple cleaned up the mess and went to their truck to make the journey to church. Somebody had beaten them to the truck, however, and the glove compartment was open, with the items it had contained strewn across the seat.

No matter - church beckoned. The man replaced everything in the glove compartment and the couple made their way to church.

The incident report noted the cars and home were both unlocked while the family slept and the husband had slumbered in his recliner by the kitchen, but didn't hear anything.

The half-eaten hot dog came from the couple's own supply, which were in a drawer in the refrigerator.

Somebody will get their reward in heaven, I just can't work out who.

NWF Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:18 AM | Permalink

There is no real crime committed in this story - just criminal incompetence, really.

Thirty-five year old salesman, David Mackie, was so excited by Capital One's offer to personalize your plastic with a favorite photo, that he swiftly went online and submitted a card design featuring the iconic shot of actor Nick Nolte looking disheveled.

The bank's email response was just as swift, announcing, "Congratulations! Your image has been approved."

Capital One did eventually realize their error, but not before the card had been mailed to Mackie. On Monday, a bank representative contacted Mackie, requesting the return of his Nolte credit card, because use of a celebrity's image violated the bank's "image upload guidelines."

Given Capital One's obviously lax internal controls, is it any wonder that the world's economy is in the doo-doo's?

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:31 AM | Permalink

A self-employed electrician from Winnipeg recently demonstrated a novel use for socks. During an interview at the police station, James Chrysler stripped off his clothes, covered his embarrassment (or not) with a strategically placed sock and danced in front of police.

It all began when police were called at around 1 a.m. on December 23 to investigate reports of a man driving dangerously up and down the street for an hour, honking his horn. When police arrived, the driver (Chrysler) sped towards a cruiser, then stopped, got out of the car, swayed, and fumbled with his wallet.

He told police, "I was going for a nice walk in the snow," and, when asked to give a breath sample, he refused, saying, "I won't, because I wasn't driving. I was walking on the sidewalk.'"

It was during the subsequent interview that Chrysler demonstrated his innovative way with a sock.

At his court appearance, Chrysler reputedly said, "I don't condone drinking and driving. It's a dangerous act."

He was fined $2,000 and banned from driving for a year.

The Record

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:40 AM | Permalink

Thirty-nine-year-old Brenton Alan Erhardt from Darwin, Australia, has pleaded guilty to dangerous driving and fined 2,000 Australian dollars. Boring, eh? Read on...

When Erhardt was pulled over for speeding back in July, he admitted to officers that he had filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin. He must have been mighty sore after that marathon, the distance is 3,051 miles! Oh, and he was apparently traveling at over 90 MPH at the time. And he was carrying cannabis in the car boot, with two cannabis plants on the back seat.

Perhaps that's why it took him three-thousand miles to pleasure himself - the dope had too much dope.

Oh, I forgot - he also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle.

ABC News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:04 AM | Permalink

This must have been a very special festive season for 30-year-old, wheelchair bound, Ana Victoria Perez.

Perez was a regular fixture along a main Monterrey road, asking for change from motorists as she sat in a wheelchair pushed by her husband. But on Monday, the couple changed their modus operandi, and she and her husband allegedly threw a stone through a furniture store window, with a view to robbing the place.

The couple were scared off by a security guard, so scared, in fact, that Perez fled the scene on foot. They were arrested and charged with vandalism when they returned for the wheelchair.

Doesn't God move in mysterious ways?

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:03 AM | Permalink

Torvald Alexander, who had been celebrating the New Year, returned to his Edinburgh home to find that his house had been broken into - and the culprit was still on the premises.

Alexander did what most of us would do in such a situation - he ran at the intruder, who, terrified, leaped from a first floor window to escape, leaving his shoes behind. This rather dramatic action was probably due to the fact that Alexander was still in fancy dress - as Thor, the Norse god of Thunder. He was dressed in a red cape, breast plate and horned silver helmet.

Our modern day incarnation of the hammer-wielding thunder god works as a mild-mannered builder by day. When asked why his intruder made such a dramatic escape, Thor said "He probably would not have expected to meet a strong builder, especially dressed in tinfoil and silver."

No, quite. And, going by the photograph, the muscles might have had something to do with it too.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:46 AM | Permalink

In Wisconsin, an apparently drunken man helped himself to a cup of soda in a retail store but refused to pay the $1.57 bill. Employees told the 27-year-old that he must either pay for the drink or leave, but he refused to do either.

Police were called and an officer gave the man the choice of paying his bill or going to jail. Despite later being found to have over $70 in his pocket, the drunk chose to go to jail.

He was issued an ordinance citation for retail theft.

Well, there's nowt so queer as folk.

Leader Telegram

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:39 AM | Permalink

On December 19, concerned by his apparent disappearance, Stanley Carter's friends filed a missing person report on him. On Friday, 26th December, the long-lost Carter emerged from the attic of a neighbor's home - wearing the neighbor's clothes.

Carter's unwitting host, Stacy Ferrance, had heard noises but thought they were caused by the three children. She notified police on Christmas Day when cash, a laptop computer and an iPod disappeared, then called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet, beneath the trap-door to the attic.

Carter kept a log of everything he took from the residence, which he labeled 'Stanley's Christmas List.'

He was charged with several counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass after accessing the attic shared by the Ferrance family and their neighbors - the very folk who had reported Carter missing in the first place.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:26 AM | Permalink

Shane Sartin broke out of Webster County Jail last week by using a string of Christmas lights to climb down from a third-story exercise area in the county courthouse. Of course, the majority of Christmas lights are designed to be hung by people and not hung on to by people and, as you would suspect, they broke.

Sartin took this personal tragedy, and the injured back that ensued, lightly and still managed to get away, changing from his orange prison jumpsuit to sweats and T-shirt. Nonetheless, he was picked up by officers less than 24 hours after his escape and taken to hospital to have his back injury assessed.

KansasCity.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:05 AM | Permalink

A hitchhiker has been arrested for throwing snowballs at passing cars because they wouldn't give him a lift.

Zack Laughlin Kelly was hitchhiking home for the festive season when Oregon police gave him a ride. They could only take him for the first part of his journey, following which Kelly had to rely, rather unsuccessfully, on his thumb. Frustrated at the lack of motorist goodwill (an abundance of motorist good sense, depending on which side of the fence you sit), Kelly decided to take attack the task of getting a ride rather more forcibly.

Police saw him walking in the fast lane of a motorway, snowballs in both hands, jumping toward vehicles to try to make them stop. He was also spotted walking in the center of the fast lane, throwing snowballs at vehicles passing him in the slow lane.

It appeared that, although Kelly had partaken of a festive tipple or two, he was still lucid. He was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:51 AM | Permalink

An Australian businessman pleaded not guilty to possessing more than 70 ecstasy tablets, telling Darwin Magistrates Court he had hoped they would prevent his shar-pei dogs from breeding.

Dog owner, Stephen James Dwyer, told the court the ecstasy tablets had come into his hands when he met the owner of a female shar-pei outside a laundromat. In conversation, the owner of the bitch told Dwyer that he had doggy birth control pills that he no longer needed because his bitch had been neutered.

Dwyer said he knew his dog was about to come on heat and he thought the pills would be "very handy for her." He claimed that no money had changed hands.

Magistrate Vince Luppino said he did not find the excuse for having a traffickable amount of ecstasy "reasonable" and handed down a suspended jail sentence of two months.

Sunday Territorian

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:06 AM | Permalink

Three Ohio women were busted this week after a botched robbery attempt at the Dollar Tree Store in Bedford Heights.

When cops searched the ladies' getaway car they discovered downloaded instructions from the internet, entitled "How To Commit Armed Robbery In Six Easy Steps."

The seized instructions were printed Monday morning at 10:16, just 11 hours before the women sought to hold up the aforementioned store.

Should you want to get busted in one easy step, click here.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:27 AM | Permalink

In Omaha a woman returned home last Saturday to find that a window had been broken and her home trashed. The only things missing, however, were a tuna sandwich and four beers.

WOWT.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:59 AM | Permalink

It seems that variations on the following story come up every year; perhaps dumb criminals should think about taking the winter off?

Late on Tuesday, police followed footprints in the snow from the place where a pizza delivery man was robbed, tracing them back to a house on the same block, where they found two pizza boxes, the pizza man's debit card, and a baseball bat.

Police report that two teens waited on a porch for the pizza man and that two others, one of whom was one holding a bat, approached him. When threatened, the pizza man turned over pizzas and sodas, together with $200 in cash.

The four teenagers were arrested.

Chicago Breaking News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:52 AM | Permalink

Brittany Phillips was feeling frisky; her boyfriend, Todd Stewart,wasn't. Stewart pushed Phillips off him, and then, claims the rebuffed woman, he became violent

Stewart, on the other hand, told an investigator that he left the bedroom to sleep on a living room couch, but that his girlfriend "would not leave him alone." At some point, things got physical and Stewart says he was stabbed in the lower lip with "a long metal object which appeared to be a knife."

The frisky Phillips acknowledged that she struck Stewart, but said it was done "to protect herself."

Phillips was charged with aggravated battery, while a bloodied and bowed Stewart was charged with simple battery. His lover was also booked on a pair of outstanding warrants, for simple battery and damage to property. Seems like somebody else must have rebuffed her advances.

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

A roadside speed camera took six photographs in one day of Robert Jones grinning and waving as he sped past, putting children's lives at risk and openly mocking the speed camera outside the village school in a 30mph zone.

Jones didn't help himself by registering the car in his daughter's name in an attempt to escape prosecution - despite the fact that his daughter is only 13 years old. He also denied being the person pictured in the vehicle for all six offenses but agreed that the woman in the back seat bore a striking resemblance to his ex-wife.

Having been clocked at speeds well in excess of 40mph, Jones was jailed for four months and disqualified from driving for six months.

Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:41 AM | Permalink

A woman has been arrested after asking a state trooper for permission to smoke - before lighting up a joint.

The very aptly named Honesty Knight was riding as a passenger in a car pulled over by the Trooper for a traffic violation. As the Trooper questioned the driver, Knight obtained his permission to smoke, however, when the suspicious trooper examined the cigarette, it was found to contain marijuana.

Honest Honesty faces a preliminary charge of possession of paraphernalia. She was released from jail on bond.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:26 AM | Permalink

James Herard stood in the dock, accused of wielding a shotgun in a string of Dunkin' Donuts robberies that covered two counties.

Herard, who was accused of the robberies along with two others, repeatedly barked at County Judge John Hurley.

An exasperated Hurley told the 19-year-old Herard, "I would suggest you take this more seriously." To which Herard's only reply was "ruff" - well, actually, several "ruffs."

Not to be beaten, when Herard again replied "ruff" to the explanation of his rights as a criminal defendant, Judge Hurley said, "I'm going to consider your bark as an acknowledgment of what I just told you."

Herard was remanded to jail without bond and minus telephone privileges. He is obviously barking mad.

South Florida

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

This from the felony criminal complaint filed yesterday against football star Plaxico Burress:

The informant observed the defendant holding a drink in his left hand while fidgeting with his right hand in the area of the waistline of his pants as he entered the upper VIP area of the Latin Quarter Club... Informant then heard a 'pop' sound and defendant stated in substance "Take me to a hospital." Informant then observed defendant's legs begin to shake and as the defendant's legs were shaking, informant observed a pistol fall out of the defendant's pant leg onto the floor.

Well, as if that wasn't stupid enough, Burress refused to call the police, choosing to got to a hospital where he used a false name and wasn't entirely honest about the details of the event.

Not only does Burress face imprisonment, he New York State Department of Health has launched an investigation to determine if the hospital that treated Plaxico Burress engaged in a conspiracy to hide information, after reports that hospital workers failed to report the gunshot wound, as required by New York law.

Failing to report a gunshot injury to cops is a class A misdemeanor.

The Smoking Gun
TMZ

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:07 AM | Permalink

Having followed up on a tip-off from their DrunkBuster hotline last Sunday, Santa Fe police went in pursuit of a pick-up trick that had been seen swerving across both lanes of a highway and being driven in a 'stop and go' fashion.

The suspected drunk driver narrowly missed other vehicles before driving through a ditch and a barbed wire fence prior to stopping; he then put the truck into reverse instead of park.

So surprised was the driver to find himself going backwards instead of remaining stationery, that he fell from the open door of the truck, then both of his legs were then run over by the front driver's side tire.

The 21 year old man was treated for minor injuries at a Santa Fe hospital and booked in to the Sandoval County detention center on charges of aggravated driving while intoxicated, fleeing a police officer, careless driving and two other outstanding traffic warrants.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:34 AM | Permalink

Wyoming municipal employee, Brandon Raz, pleaded not guilty today to charges of twice ejaculating into the water bottle of a female co-worker.

The woman complained after drinking it that water from her bottle "smelled and tasted as if it had been contaminated by seminal fluid." That's because it had been. Top marks for her senses of taste and smell.

It wasn't until a month later, however, that the woman complained to the police after once again sniffing the contents of her water bottle and detecting the aroma of what she believed to be semen.

After being confronted by the DNA evidence, Raz admitted to a detective that he masturbated and ejaculated into his colleague's water bottle on two occasions.

Raz has been charged with misdemeanor battery, stalking, and attempted battery counts, each of which carries a maximum penalty of six months in prison and a $750 fine.

Disgusting. Got good aim though, hasn't he?

Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:42 AM | Permalink

Keith Weatherley was spotted acting in a suspicious manner and has been fined £257 for offensive behavior, resisting police, and disobeying a police direction. He was parked at Nobbys Beach in Australia and, as you read on, you will realize just how apt that location was.

Suspecting that Weatherley might be armed, the police approached his car with weapons at the ready but Weatherley sped off the minute he spotted them.

Police gave chase but when Weatherley finally stopped the vehicle, he refused to exit the car. Officers used batons and spray to remove him - and that was when they discovered he had a a 750ml pasta jar around his penis. Weatherley continued to 'pleasure himself in between bouts of wrestling.'

Items found in the car by police included pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings, and a Jack Russell terrier. I don't even want to hazard a guess...

Weatherley, who was fined in the region of $600, said he resisted police because he was 'trying to make himself decent.'
.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:40 AM | Permalink

When police went to arrest Bernard Wood on burglary charges they found 78 bags of stolen popcorn in his home.

Wood, who stole appliances, jewelery, and tools from several homes was, apparently, fond of raiding the refrigerators of his victims.

Police caught him by matching his fingerprints to greasy ones left on an orange juice bottle at one of the crime scenes - where they also found the remnants of a chicken.

The Very Hungry Burglar was sentenced Friday to six years in prison after being found guilty of three counts of burglary and two counts of grand larceny.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:57 AM | Permalink

The following is from a piece about the current levels of mathematics incompetence that has spread like a rash through all levels of society.

A 31-year-old man paid $10.99 for a new hammer. Then he used the hammer to break a liquor store window so he could steal an $8.99 bottle of wine. Allegedly.

The burglar told his arresting officers that he bought the hammer after he couldn't break the glass with a rock.

There are numerous other examples in the article but what really made me giggle was the opening paragraph:

Last spring, for example, only 49 percent - or two thirds - of Washington high school sophomores were able to pass the math part of the WASL test.

I do hope the writer was being cleverly ironic...

SR.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:47 AM | Permalink

A German prisoner made his great escape by mailing himself via FedEx.

Hans Lang, a 42-year-old drug dealer, hid in the laundry room until other inmates had finished work and, when the coast was clear, he bundled himself up in dirty bed linen inside the large FedEx box.

The package was then loaded onto a van and driven through the prison gates. The fugitive is understood to have waited until the driver made his next stop before getting out of the box, picking the lock on the back of the van and running off into nearby woods.

The escape was uncovered when the driver saw the empty box and realized somebody had picked the lock to his van - from the inside.

Life imitating art?

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:24 AM | Permalink

A would-be bank robber is being held on $25,000 bail after his attempted robbery at a Pennsylvania bank.

After learning that the bank had no cash on hand to give him, robber Joseph Goetz fled the scene, vowing to file an official complaint as he did so.

It really wasn't Goetz' day: a customer using the bank's drive-thru services noticed him fleeing the scene and followed him. The unidentified customer then called police, who stopped Goetz's vehicle and arrested him on suspicion of attempting to commit a robbery.

API

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:05 AM | Permalink

A man was imprisoned this week after phoning police investigating his crime to tell them their appeal for witnesses, published in a local paper, was wrong.

The appeal, released the day after the incident took place (in Northampton, England), said a man had approached an angler, grabbed him by the neck and demanded his fishing kit. However, as far as the attacker was concerned, this was all wrong, and he phoned the police to tell them so, claiming he had been acting in self defense and had not approached the angler at all.

The attacker was sentenced to 30 months imprisonment for affray and other charges.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:18 AM | Permalink

The aptly named Kyle Drinkwine from Wisconsin was apparently so incensed by a karaoke performance of a 1983 heavy metal track, Holy Diver, that he attempted to throttle the singer and his friend. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded Drinkwine's blood alcohol content at 0.169, more than twice the state limit.

Drinkwine was booked into the Pierce County Jail on battery and disorderly conduct counts.

This is not a first, however, back in August a Washington man was punched by a female bar patron who thought his cover of "Yellow," a Coldplay song, "really sucked."

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:07 AM | Permalink

When Edward and Debra Hatton came home to find a couple of teens had broken in to their home, the police were called and, as you would expect, they scoured the place for clues. In doing so, the uncovered a sophisticated marijuana crop, guns, knives, and a fully loaded AK-47 assault rifle.

Mr Hatton also had a whole collection of police jackets and badges some from Los Angeles and some bearing the emblems of the Philadelphia police and federal authorities.

Hatton has never been arrested for impersonating an officer, but wore the badge of a federal officer at a poker tournament last year, with a weapon that appeared to be a gun on his waistband. He allegedly also had a collection of German military medals as well as a uniform identified by police as that of a Nazi soldier.

When Upper Darby Pennsylvania Police Superintendent, Michael Chitwood, asked "Why did you call the police?" Hatton apparently replied that he hadn't called the police. His wife had.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:55 AM | Permalink

A Florida man was arrested Saturday morning after allegedly tried to steal a handful of communion wafers during a Communion service.

According to the police report::

During mass at around 9 AM, Ricci accepted a wafer on the Communion line, but then walked away without taking the communion into his mouth.

After refusing a priest's requests to accept the wafer, Ricci turned to the priest and grabbed a handful of the wafers from the plate and attempted to leave the Church.

The parishioners were, understandably, very upset at his callous disregard for the service and they sought to detain him. A scuffle ensued as an 'enraged' Ricci began to 'act crazy.' Two of the men who tried to detain Ricci sustained minor injuries - they were 82 and 66 years old.

Ricci was charged with theft, battery, and disrupting a religious assembly. Take a look at the mugshot. He seems to be doing some communing of his own.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:48 AM | Permalink

Indiana police are looking for a robber who they describe as "no brain surgeon."

Their quarry walked into Swifty on US 50 early Monday; he demanded money from the register and tied up the female clerk before running out of the door with a carton of cigarettes. He quickly realized he had forgotten something. The money.

That was when he found out that the door through which he had just exited was equipped with an electronic lock and stayed closed. He discovered that sad fact when he tried to re-enter the store to retrieve his money.

The robber is a described as a white male in his mid-to-late 20s; he's about 5' 10" tall and weighs 220 to 240 pounds. He was wearing a camouflage coat, dark-colored hooded sweatshirt, black ski mask and dark-colored hiking boots.

Cincinnati.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:55 AM | Permalink

Vipul Romik Sharma is a 22-year-old rapist. As well as being a sex criminal, he is also very stupid.

After raping a female victim picked up in a New Zealand bar back in February 2006, Sharma was so at ease with what he had just done that he fell asleep in the passenger seat of the car. The violated woman, with her wits still about her, drove her attacker directly to Auckland Police Station.

After a four day trial,Sharma was found guilty on Tuesday of abduction and two counts of rape. He was remanded in custody and will be sentenced in January.

AAP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:09 AM | Permalink

A Polish motorist drove to a police station to ask officers if he was too drunk to drive. The cops, in an attempt to help the driver with his query, breathalyzed the driver. They then arrested him and charged him with DUI.

A police spokesman said: "He had been out drinking with friends and at the end of the night wasn't sure if he was over the limit or not and wanted to find a policeman to ask."

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

Anybody who has ever had a paper round will empathize with the boy in this story.

The fourteen year old paper boy form Logan, Utah, wanted to speed up his paper round. He could perhaps have walked more quickly, or equipped himself with a pushbike, however, what he actually did was steal a neighbor's pick up truck. Unfortunately, he crashed the vehicle into one of the houses on his delivery route.

Although the house sustained only minor damage, one suspects that the boy sustained a major bawling out from his dad. He was also summoned by police to appear in juvenile court for various offenses.

Maybe it would have been better for the boy had he not returned the pickup truck to his neighbor's driveway after the crash and then gone off to school as if nothing had happened.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:20 AM | Permalink

After being followed by police officers for three kilometers, a drunken woman finally stopped at the side of the road as officers pulled up alongside.

When a breath test revealed a blood alcohol level of nearly ten times Sweden's legal limit of 0.02 percent, the woman said that her driving couldn't possibly be affected because she'd been careful to keep one eye closed to prevent her seeing double.

The court, unfortunately for her, looked at her defense with both eyes open; they sentenced her to two months in prison for aggravated drunken driving.

The Local

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:22 AM | Permalink

An 85 year-old woman has appeared in a video, wearing a black mask, holding a handgun and threatening to shoot all the pigs. Her 18 year old grandson, Michael Alfinez, who made the video, is now in a juvenile detention center after admitting that he coaxed his grandma into appearing in the gangster rap movie.

That might seem a stiff sentence - grandma wasn't hurt and she may well have enjoyed the whole event. that's what the Alfinez family are claiming. They think the case has been blown out of proportion. There's more to this story than first meets the eye, however.

The tape also included footage of him and others shooting a pistol around town. Alfinez not only pleaded guilty to elder abuse, he also pleaded guilty to charges of firing out of a moving vehicle and into a building.

Seems to me he got off lightly.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:15 AM | Permalink

Cory Eugene Gill was a bank robber with style - his getaway car was a limo. Sadly though, style is no protection from the law and Gill was caught and arrested in Tulsa on Friday afternoon, just hours after having robbed a bank in Irving, Texas. He sped away in a black limo.

Oh - and it was his fortieth birthday on Monday. So, if you're reading this, Happy Fortieth, Cory!

Chron

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:58 AM | Permalink

Officer Charles Brocker, of the Thomas Township Police Department in Saginaw, approached a man at the local Fill-N-Wash Car Wash to see what he was up to. He had watched the man arrive at the car wash on his pushbike and he was now apparently searching for change in the waste excess door of the installation.

However, as he got close enough to see what the man, one Jason Savage, was really up to, Officer Brocker realized that he certainly wasn't looking for change.

Savage, from Michigan, was, to put it delicately, servicing himself with the commercial car vacuum attachment; his response when confronted by Brocker was a simple, "Oh, shit."

Savage was arrested for indecent behaviour.

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:10 AM | Permalink

Australian customs officials found more than they bargained for when the frisked a Samoan passenger on Wednesday. Whether by watching the woman's gait or by some other, more magical means, the officers suspected that the fifty-six year old from the Czech Republic might be concealing something on her body. The examining female officer found the women had secreted three banana plants in her underpants.

Quarantine officers seized the plants, which Customs say are a threat to Australia's banana industry because they can carry black sigatoka disease, fusarium wilt, or moko disease.

You can even see a picture of the recently released plants if you follow the link.

Yahoo

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:00 AM | Permalink

A Colorado couple got a side dish they hadn't ordered with their take-out taco meal- a baggie of weed.

The couple were waited on by 26 year old Dennis Klermund, who now faces charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia following the dining couple's call to the police.

Oh, and before y'all rush off to the Del Taco Restaurant in Lakewood, Colorado. Klermund no longer works there.

9 News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:52 AM | Permalink

A man suspected of being involved in an armed robbery at an alleged brothel in Washington's Columbia Heights left his thumb behind.

Police say the 22-year-old man and an accomplice made off with hundreds of dollars in cash. However, one of the victims took hold of a silver machete used in the raid and hacked off the right thumb of one of the robbers.

Two hours later, a man with just one thumb reported to an ER; police were called and brought the severed thumb to the hospital. A doctor told police that the thumb 'fits like a puzzle piece' and the man was transferred to Baltimore hospital to have it reattached.

The man is now being held without bond.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:32 AM | Permalink

Gus Young Jr stands accused of smashing up a grocery store in protest at the rising cost of living. Young apparently
entered Dixon's Food Mart in Fort Pierce, on the east Florida coast, and smashed a counter partition and DVD case.

When police turned up to arrest him, they say he smelled of alcohol, and was 'challenging people to fight.' When questioned he said he was angry about the fact that the price of a rock of crack cocaine had risen from ten dollars to twenty dollars.

Young claims he had actually been trying to punch a drug dealer in the store, but that the dealer ducked, causing him to hit the partition instead.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:02 AM | Permalink

A McCain hating 45-year-old has been ticketed for unlawful dumping after admitting to putting dog feces in his neighbor's truck.

Donald Esmay, a 19-year-old from St Cloud complained to police about the small bags of dog poo that had been appearing in the back of his pickup in the few weeks since he had put a McCain supporting sign there.

Eventually, after weeks of unsuccessfully watching for the culprit, a neighbor was seen approaching the truck on Wednesday. The neighbor was confronted and he admitted to being the Poo Depositor, he also agreed that it was a childish thing to do.

When police later spoke with the neighbor, he told officers he did it because he "hates McCain."

The unlawful dumping ticket comes with a $183 fine.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:51 AM | Permalink

It was Saturday night when a 27 year old man broke into an office building in Berlin. He collected four laptop computers and took the elevator to leave the building. No doubt, he was praising himself for such a successful heist.

Meanwhile, in another part of town, an elevator company received an emergency call from a man stuck in the lift at a Berlin office building. They followed procedure and alerted the Berlin Fire Department, who attended the scene to rescue the trapped man.

Following the rescue, the firemen noticed there were four laptops stashed in the elevator. They called in the police.

After his arrest the man admitted to attempted-theft.

Moral: Robbers should never use elevators.

Spiegel Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:50 AM | Permalink

A Port St Lucie man, who's name is given only as Franco, was being held on $10,000 bail last Tuesday for trying to attract the attention of his partner - well that's his story anyway.

The woman at the center of the story told deputies that she woke up on Friday morning to find Franco on top of her - nothing strange there. However, he was binding her hands with plastic ties and putting duct tape over her mouth. When Franco left the room to go to the kitchen, the unnamed woman managed to dial 911 on her cellphone.

On his arrest, Franco told deputies that he didn't want to live without his victim and he was just trying to get her attention. In that respect, I suppose, he was highly successful.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:42 AM | Permalink

Did you know that San Diego lobsters do not have pincers?

No neither did I but I suspect thirty-three-year-old Binh Quang Chau did - he was caught with six of the newspaper-wrapped creatures stuffed down his pants as he attempted to poach them from La Jolla State Marine Conservation Area in San Diego.

Department of Fish and Game warden Daryl Simmons says wardens arrested Chau when they noticed "odd bulges" in his pants. All six lobsters were, surprisingly, still alive and were returned to the ocean.

cbs13.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

On Thursday night a thief broke into a cemetery and drained 200 gallons of water, worth about $50, from a tank. Thing is, he thought he was draining gasoline.

Back in July, 225 gallons of gasoline was drained from the same tank and police believe the thief returned to repeat his crime. Sadly for him, however, following the July theft, the cemetery maintenance supervisor decided to move the gasoline elsewhere, and the tank is now used to store water.

Police are looking for whoever stole the water; $600 in damages was caused when the meter attached to the tank was smashed.

West Volusia News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:11 AM | Permalink

Andrew Vactor was fond of listening to rap music (is that a contradiction of terms?) in his car, and he had a habit of turning the volume up high. Eventually, of course, he had to face the music. Literally.

Judge Susan Fornof-Lippencott, Champaign County Municipal Court Judge, imposed a fine of $150 on Vactor for playing his music too loudly, but offered to reduce the fine to $35 if the accused would spend 20 hours listening to composed by Bach, Beethoven and Chopin.

Well, to be fair, the twenty-four-year-old gave it a go but, according to a probation office, he lasted about 15 minutes before giving up and paying the full fine.

Vactor said that the classical music wasn't the problem, he just wanted to be at a practice session with the rest of the Urbana University basketball team.

Judge Fornof-Lippencott says she was trying to make him understand that people don't like to be forced to listen to music they don't fully appreciate.

She says she's also taped TV shows for defendants in other cases to watch on topics such as financial responsibility. As she sees it, they get the chance to have their fine reduced "and at the same time broaden their horizons."

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:17 AM | Permalink

A 76-year-old convicted burglar in Britain is retiring. The reason for hanging up his swag bag is, he says, because modern technology has made it so hard to commit crimes.

Richard Blaylock was released from jail last week. On his release, the great-grandfather said that technological advancements, such as DNA testing and high-quality surveillance equipment, make a life of crime unsustainable.

Blaylock was a career criminal, with a total of 69 convictions under his belt, he has spent more than half of his life in 14 different prisons. His final conviction came when he was carrying his burglary tools and was stopped by police.

He said he hopes any young and aspiring criminals would learn from his experiences.

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:51 AM | Permalink

A six-foot blue rabbit carrying a bucket and accompanied by a gun-wielding sidekick has been arrested in Sweden. The rabbit and his pal made an unsuccessful attempt to rob a currency exchange office in Farsta, just outside Stockholm.

They attempted to force their way through security doors in the exchange, but staff managed to shut the second of two doors in their face. And that was when Bungle and his buddy ran away.

Police captured two suspects a short while later, and held them on suspicion of attempted robbery. Authorities believe that the bunny suit may itself have been stolen earlier in the day.

Now, if it had been a 6 foot invisible rabbit named Harvey, it would have been believable. But, a blue bunny...

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:40 AM | Permalink

it's best not to tell them you've been drinking!

Apparently overtaken by passion, 23-year-old Dennis Cullen and his girlfriend were having sex in their car when they were surprised by a tap-tap-tap on the windscreen. They looked up to see a uniformed police officer, whether or not they also saw the several marked police cars in surround parking spaces is not reported.

To make matters worse, the couple was also parked in a disabled space. With the engine running.

Cullen made the mistake of telling the officer that he and his female companion had been drinking at a university function. He was charged with drink driving. Neither he nor his companion were charged in connection with having sex in the car.

Silly boy!

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:32 AM | Permalink

In Australia, the wife of a diplomat who got drunk and then squeezed the bottom of a Victorian policeman, has avoided a criminal conviction - despite the fact that following her arrest she injured a prison guard.

Muna Mawrid, 31, whose Norwegian husband is posted to Vietnam, staggered from the bar Amnesia at 5am on May 10 and grabbed the officer's left butt cheek.

She apparently remarked, "I love you guys. You look so f***# ing hot with your nine-millimetres." Reportedly, Mawrid's eyes were glazed and her speech was slurred.

After her arrest, Mawrid requested her asthma inhaler. She then lunged at a female guard and pulled her into the cell and, in the struggle, the guard suffered a lacerated finger which needed stitches.

The Norwegian avoided a criminal conviction because, two days after the event, a doctor diagnosed her as suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

Mawrid was put on a non-conviction 12-month undertaking to be of good behavior, ordered to pay $500 to the court fund, and to continue counseling for her condition.

It seems to me that her actions were more the result of feeling 'hot' than of PTSD but what do I know.

The Age

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:18 AM | Permalink

In these days of CCTV it doesn't pay to have your name and date of birth tattooed on the back of your neck.

Aaron Evans, an illiterate 21 year old, attempted to steel a car in Bristol, UK. Unfortunately for him, he was caught when police used CCTV images showing the tattooed details on the back of his neck to pick him up.

Even more unfortunately for Evans, the car had been left by Avon and Somerset Police officers with a covert camera concealed inside, which took the damning pictures.

Evans pleaded guilty at Bristol Magistrates' Court and was sentenced to seven months in prison.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:36 AM | Permalink

Juan Briceno has has been caught driving drunk four times - in 1998, 1999, 2000 and 2007.

On May 1, 2007, Briceno was taken in for reported drunk driving and, perhaps wanting to prove beyond doubt that he's whiter than white, drunk a bottle of Wite Out correctional fluid!

He was seen drinking from correctional fluid on a surveillance video - he had been left alone in a room at the police station, thinking that officers had gone to get the breath-testing equipment. Whether he was attempting to cover the fumes on his breath is not known - he's wiped the event from his mind. Hey - perhaps the stuff works!!

In the event, police spent a happy few minutes watching as Briceno attempted unsuccessfully to correct his mime-artist lips - perhaps he should have used Tippex to cover his mistake.

Later, at the hospital, Briceno's blood alcohol level was found to be three and a half times the legal limit.

Omaha World Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

When Heidi Kohl, an 89 year old grandmother from Western Germany, became fed up with all the cars parked in her neighborhood, she extracted her revenge by slashing tires - 50 of them.

One of Kohl's neighbors spotted her mid-slash and reported her activities to the police and, subsequently, Granny Kohl was told she would face a fine. However, when Kohl told the authorities she couldn't afford to pay the fine, they came up with a rather unusual punishment - they ordered her to knit jumpers for her victims.

A spokeswoman confirmed: "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be over for us."

All that knitting will keep her off the streets as well.

Digital Spy

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:45 AM | Permalink

Croatian couple, Stipe Cavlovic and his wife Mirna, unintentionally got caught up in a disagreement between two men, and one of the men fired at them.

Amazingly, the bullet ricocheted off Mirna's cheek and got stuck in Stipe's false teeth.

By surprise, rather than by intention, Stipe spat out the hot bullet, causing the attacker to run off in fright.

The Croatian superman is quoted as telling the police, " I thought I was dead for sure, I didn't even see the bullet hit my wife. I just saw the flash of the gun's barrel. The next thing I knew was something hit my false tooth and I spat out the hot lead. It hurt like hell but we're both still alive." Wife Maria was also uninjured.

Police believe he survived because the bullet lost so much speed when it grazed Marla's cheek.

The gunman was arrested.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:39 AM | Permalink

In Cincinnati, thirty-two-year-old Michelle Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after chasing children and urinating on a neighbor's porch. She was wearing a cow suit at the time.

Police were called when the 'cow' blocked traffic in a busy street. The arresting officer reported that Allen's breath smelled of alcohol, she slurred her speech, and she was belligerent, apparently cussing at him.

I've never been to Cincinnati, maybe I should go.

Local 12

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:42 AM | Permalink

Only a dumb pussy would urinate on a man's briefcase and not expect to pay the price. In this case, the price wasn't actually too bad - the man who owned the briefcase flung the cat onto the balcony of the apartment where they both lived. Also sharing the apartment was the man's wife, the nominal owner of said dumb pussy.

Now, the man's wife obviously preferred the dumb pussy to her dumb husband, because she called the Italian Animal and Environment Defense Association, who in turn found her lawyers specializing in similar cases.

Cat owner and man's wife, Mrs Laura Marchesi, reported that she had found her cat hungry and shivering with cold after spending the night trying to get back into their apartment, and a court has now ordered Mr Marchesi, he of the pee'd on briefcase, to pay his wife $800 for vets' expenses and emotional damage.

We are not told whether the emotional damage refers to the dumb pussy or to Mrs Marchesi (or is that one and the same thing?). However, Mrs Marchesi is quoted as saying, "I love my cat very, very much and what happened to it affected me deeply. It is only fair that I receive some compensation."

We are not told the status of the Marchesi marriage.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:20 AM | Permalink

When a client neglected to settle a $750 bill for two dental bridges, a Bavarian dentist took the only option open to him; he reclaimed the goods.

According to police, the dentist barged into the woman's house, tied her up, forced her mouth open and yanked out the two bridges that had not been paid for.

The dentist is now under investigation for assault for forcing open the woman's mouth, and theft for taking the bridges.

The crime report states that "the woman was in pain when she showed up at the police station."

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:09 AM | Permalink

If ever there was a bum rap, this is it. When Sandra Meiser robbed a bank in Norf, West Germany; she got away with $24,000. Witnesses to the crime told police that the bank robber was a woman with "a very large backside and powerful thighs."

A few weeks later, Meiser revisited the scene of her crime. As she was standing in line, allegedly with intent to rob the bank again, a witness to the first robbery identified her by the size of her bottom.

According to a bank worker who was present, "He called the police and they arrested her and found her ski mask and hand gun in her jacket. He said he recognized her bottom straight away - he'd never forget something that big."

Meiser now faces up to 10 years in jail on robbery and firearms charges. The witness has bagged a $8,000 reward.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:05 AM | Permalink

Jose Cruz was stopped for driving under the influence in South Carolina, but he was arrested for farting on a police officer.

According to police officers, when Cruz was taken to the station for fingerprinting, he moved closer to the arresting officer and passed gas on him.

The odour was, apparently, "very strong."

Cruz has now been charged with battery on a police officer as well as Driving Under the Influence, and obstruction.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:26 AM | Permalink

Pigs might not fly, but cows apparently do!

In China, a motorist was understandable shocked when a cow dropped from the sky and landed on his bonnet.

The black and white beast left a deep dent in his wake Luckily for the driver, a resident witnessed the accident - had that not been the case, who would have believed the 'victim?' The resident said he saw the cow jump off a lorry that was driving ahead of the car.

The lorry didn't stop - wonder why?

When police caught up with the lorry driver, he was arrested and is now in custody. Apparently he is a cow thief and he had stolen three cows from a local farmer. When the accident happened he was taking the cows to market.

Annanova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:02 AM | Permalink

Forty-year-old Martyn Lamb had an unusual way of unwinding before picking his children up from school. Wearing skimpy knickers, suspenders and a blond wig, the married father of three exposed himself to passing trains.

When questioned by the Magistrate in York, Lamb said that he wore women's underwear while he was at work because it helped him to unwind during the day.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:57 AM | Permalink

A 50 year old gentleman (I use the term in its broadest sense) is awaiting charges in Michigan after proving to policemen that men can indeed multitask.

The unnamed man was discovered masturbating behind a downtown building Wednesday afternoon. The gentleman was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles; in one hand he held a beer and his other hand was otherwise engaged as he leaned over a pornographic magazine. It's too much to hope that his senses were aroused by the beauty of the written word - multitasking and reading is too much to expect.

Worryingly, police said this man does not match the description of a man who exposed himself to two women in separate incidents on Tuesday.

Michigan Alive

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:31 AM | Permalink

On Sunday morning, a young woman allegedly called 911 and told the operator that if she had an AK47 assault rifle, she would "stick it in the 911 operator's mouth and shoot it."

When police responded to the false 911 call they found Khaliyah Ranchelle Limehouse at a pay phone. On their arrival, Limehouse yelled at them that she had made the 911 call and that she would kill the officers if she had a gun.

As she was being arrested,the woman kicked an officer and tried to bite him. After she had been arrested, police found a sandwich bag containing1 gram of marijuana in Limehouse's purse.

Limehouse was charged with making a false 911 call, obstructing or opposing an officer with violence, possession of marijuana and two counts of battery on a law enforcement officer.

She is being held today $7,000 bail.

What I want to know is:

1. How would she manage to shoot the 911 operator down the phone (a good trick if you can do it)?
2. How could she possibly get a decent sized sandwich with only 1 gram marijuana?

Tampa Bay Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:40 AM | Permalink

A German teenager who caused $141,262.24 in damage when he flooded a Dusseldorf arena with beer will stand trial on Monday.

The boy allegedly broke into the arena with a friend back in October 2006 and opened three beer taps, flooding the place with 1,400 liters of pilsner lager. The beer soaked through the stadium to a conference room and eventually reached the parking area where it caused extensive damage.

Apparently the stench was so overwhelming that it was a year before the conference room could be used again.

The Local

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:01 AM | Permalink

The same cop, Jeffrey Wayne McKay, was also arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure, isn't that one and the same thing?

Police were called out just before 10 pm Saturday following reports that McKay was allegedly in his front yard making threats to neighborhood kids with a loaded gun. He also reportedly exposed himself while urinating on his front lawn. Now this is some multi-tasker! Gun in one hand and penis in the other, I bet he didn't know which one to shoot first.

And I hate to be pedantic - but how could he urinate without exposing himself?

McKay was arrested at the scene and held on $15,000 bail. He has since been released on bail bond.

Channel13

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

In Germany a man has received a three-year jail sentence for selling his partner to his neighbor as a sex slave. The price was a crate of beer.

The alcoholic husband sold his 32 year old wife more than once over a period of several weeks to their 60 year old neighbor. Each purchase cost the neighbor a crate of beer.

Mind you, the Germans do make exceedingly good beer.

SMH

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:06 PM | Permalink

Don't walk your dog in the nude in Tallahassee!

A 40 year old Tallahassee, spotted doing just that on Friday evening, responded to police questioning with, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog." Now whether that was Allah the almighty or somebody the man shared his home with, I have no idea. Although, I suppose there's always the possibility that the guy shared his home with Allah the Almighty. Anyway, I digress...

The man was tasered when he refused to follow an officer's commands - we are not told what those commands were but apparently using the Taser was the only way to subdue the man without having to hurt him.

Wink News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:49 AM | Permalink

I've slotted this story into the Dumb Criminal pigeon hole but really it's not dumb anything, in fact, its a witty, whimsical invention.

Fed up with putting your lunch being snagged from the office refrigerator?
Moms - are you pissed because the kids snag refrigerator bags containing food set aside for meals?
Well, you're troubles are over!

I present you with the Anti-Theft Lunch Bag

Clever eh?

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:55 AM | Permalink

A burglar broke into a home and rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms. Then he used an 8 inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out the house. I have no idea of the relevance of 8" as used to describe the sausage.

The suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Unfortunately, some of the evidence is missing - the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:21 AM | Permalink

...he or she doesn't bear comparison to this German miser:

Magdalena Czerwinskawas sentenced to 15 days in prison for theft but was told she could pay a fine instead. She telephoned her boyfriend, Max Schuster, and asked him to pay. No, he said. He would rather keep the money for himself because, in the current economic climate, we have to save where we can. He didn't really feel like going to the jail anyway.

So poor Ms Czerwinskawas is still in jail. It is not sure if the relationship will continue when she is released.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:14 AM | Permalink

...Don't Tell the Police!

A 40 year old man was stopped by a trooper after being seen to drive his vehicle erratically. As the trooper was examining the man's driving license, white powder was seen to fall out of a crumpled up $100 bill. The man told the trooper that he only used cocaine when he was 'with the prostitutes.'

The driver's mistake was his answer to the question 'when were you last with a prostitute' with 'tonight.'

Strangely enough, the man was transported to the county jail.

The Kitsap Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:23 AM | Permalink

If you're on a drugs charge, don't swallow the evidence.

On Tuesday night last, 38 year old Prince Swayzer III was pulled on suspicion of trafficking narcotics. During questioning Swayzer apparently became combative and was subdued with a Taser gun. He also allegedly ingested an 'unknown amount of a controlled substance.'

Prince Swayzer III is no more, he died in hospital after refusing medical treatment. Ah, well...

KTVU.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:11 AM | Permalink

A word to the wise - if you've faked your death for the insurance money - don't visit your GP.

Our hero today is Ahmad Akhtary, who had managed to get a false death certificate from Afghanistan certifying that he had died of 'brain trauma.'

The trauma to his brain must have been extensive - what other explanation is there for the fact that Akhtary continued to lead a perfectly normal, visible life despite being dead. Top marks to his GP for diagnosing that he was alive.

Instead of the £300,000 that Akthary hoped to net, he has been jailed for nine months (suspended for two years) on the charge of gaining money by deception.

I suppose that pretending to have a brain does count as deception.

Lancashire Evening Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:14 AM | Permalink

Mark Anthony Booth, of Iowa City, was charged with drunken driving and bribery early Sunday morning. He was pulled over for driving without headlights and, following a Breathalyzer test, was arrested for drunken driving.

In the squad car journey following the arrest, Booth offered the escorting officer "free Jimmy John's sandwiches if he was allowed to go home."

The officer declined the offer, to which Booth allegedly responded, "C'mon... Nobody's going to know."

Thick as well as crappy sandwiches then.

Press Citizen

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:33 AM | Permalink

The dumb criminal in this story is a dumb animal, so I think we can forgive him...

The blame for a string of shoe thefts has been laid square on the very small shoulders of stray beagle. The penny dropped after Angie Jeffers reported one of her son's shoes disappeared after being left outside overnight and later turned up near the firehouse, where it was spied on a ramp right beside the dog.

The acting town Marshall has also seen the dog carrying a tennis shoe, with something on his head that was not a hat. The beagle obviously needs some fashion advice because the item on his head was a pair of ladies underwear. The dog was heading for the fire department.

Officials said the dog, who takes only one shoe at a time and never leaves any bite marks on the items, has proven difficult to capture.

I don't think they've been trying very hard, do you?

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:02 AM | Permalink

When Thieves Feel Sorry For You and Leave You Money!

The criminals in this story are heroic rather than dumb. Flavia Alcantara, a Brazilian lady, left a note on the windscreen of her car warning thieves that it wasn't worth stealing.

The note read: Mr Robber, please do not steal this car. It has no batteries, no spare tire. It is in bad shape. Thank you for your attention.

She wasn't exaggerating; somebody did try to steal her car but gave it up as a bad job - and left her a 1 Reai banknote - worth about 80 cents.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:21 AM | Permalink

Jeffrey M Hansen wanted to know if the glass doors and windows of the Rock County Sheriff's Office were bullet-proof. In an experiment to find the answer to his research question, he repeatedly threw a large stone at the aforementioned doors and windows.

When officers went to investigate. Hansen gave himself up, holding out his wrists to officers, and admitted to causing the damage, telling officers to handcuff and arrest him. He told the officers he threw the rocks to see if the glass was bulletproof; investigating officers did find chips in the glass panes, a fact that will certainly inform the research project.

Ten people from a jail tour were in the lobby during the alleged incident.

Hansen was arrested for reckless endangering safety, criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct and is being held at the Rock County Jail until his initial court appearance.

We await the results of his research with interest, although one wonders if data produced for large stones (aka rocks?) is transferable to bullets.

Capital Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:26 AM | Permalink

Austrian Josef Reiner was admitted to hospital with a broken nose, jaw, and arm; injuries consistent with having been attacked.

However, when the hospital called police, Reiner admitted that he had used an iron bar to inflict the injuries on himself in an attempt to fake an armed robbery. Apparently, Reiner had lost thousands of dollars at the casino and was too frightened to tell his wife.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:12 AM | Permalink

When two police officers stopped a Ford Ranger for failing to signal a turn on Thursday, the driver of the vehicle became very nervous, telling officers, "It's not my truck, if you find something, it's not mine", and "if there is anything in that black bag, it's not mine."

The police later found approximately 50 rocks of crack cocaine in the bag and impounded the truck.

The driver was arrested for possession of a controlled substance and is being held in the County Jail on a $1,500 bond.

How often must it be said - if you're carrying something illegal you should ensure that your driving is pristine.

Caller

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:51 AM | Permalink

...No, it's a burglar!

When Paul Ives returned to his home in Dartford, England, after a long day at work he was shocked to find that he had been the victim of an attempted burglary; he was even more shocked to find the burglar still in situ - hanging upside down after apparently using a hammer he was still holding to smash through a glass window.

Ives reports "He was hanging upside down. His body was inside the house and he was stuck in the window with his foot outside. The more he struggled, the more he got jammed. When I got home, he still had the hammer in his hand which he had used to smash the main window and get some leverage."

Police and paramedics were called to the scene and, once freed, John Pearce pleaded guilty to burglary with intent to steal. Sentencing is scheduled for September 5th.

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:38 AM | Permalink

Michael Peterson, who was convicted of killing his wife, Kathleen Peterson has come up with a novel defense, or rather his attorney has.

Attorney Larry Pollard, a former neighbor of the Petersons, hopes to change the prosecutor's mind with evidence that was handed over to Peterson's defense team before the 2003 verdict. His hypothesis is that it was a neighborhood owl and not a fancy fireplace poker that caused the blunt-force trauma and head wounds that drained the life from Kathleen Peterson in December 2001.

Wouldn't there be feathers if that had been the case? Pollard has an answer for that one; an SBI report lists the presence of a microscopic feather mixed in with hair that Kathleen Peterson had clutched in her left hand.

So, are we saying that the owl killed Mrs Peterson with a fancy firework poker?

NewsObserver

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:50 AM | Permalink

and got 22 of his buddies arrested?

Well, apparently that wasn't his first arrest of the week. The previous day, he had robbed the same store and been caught with his illegal booty at the bus stop. One officer commented, "We don't know if he just started doing it or if he just started getting caught."

What's that saying about criminals not revisiting the scene of the crime? Should somebody explain it to the Not-So-Phantom Beer Bandit?

Denver News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:13 AM | Permalink

This criminal is not so much dumb as naive; I challenge you not to sigh in sympathy (or something).

A 17 year old in Los Osos, California, has been charged with retail theft. He was arrested last Wednesday after he tried to get away with a 'Great Sex Kit' without paying for it.

The product apparently retails for $7.95; I wish I knew how you could get great sex for $7.95!

You know what - if I'd been the store clerk I would have bought it for him.

nwf Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:06 AM | Permalink

Zachary Rajaniemi stole two 30-packs of beer from a 7-11 store early one morning. When police caught up with him, he was quenching his thirst with the stolen beer, along with 22 o f his friends.

All 23 were arrested for possession of alcohol and ended up behind the bars at El Paso County Jail. I suspect that the 22 wish their friend hadn't been so generous with his booty.

KTSM

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:58 AM | Permalink

Well, it's obvious, isn't it - you wear a Winnie-the-Pooh costume.

Well, that's what Japanese Masayuki Ishikawa wore anyway. His two friends apparently have far less style, they dressed as a mouse and a panther.

The thing is, when people in the street stared at them, Ishikawa took umbrage, beat them up and stole $160.

So much for Pooh sticks and honey for tea.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:47 AM | Permalink

A desperate man made three tries within nine days to get free X-rated videos from an 'adult' store. All three attempts were unsuccessful, despite the fact that he showed a badge and claimed to be a police officer. He told store staff that he needed to ensure that the performers in the videos weren't underage.

Although the card he presented did not have a name, it claimed to have originated from the Longmont Age Verification Unit.

You won't be surprised to hear that there is no such unit.

Wink.News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:40 AM | Permalink

In Batavia, New York, a groom has been arrested for being to close to his bride on their wedding day.

Timothy Cole wed his ex-wife and they celebrated with a post-wedding party. During the celebrations Cole, who was well known to police, got involved in a quarrel with one of the guests. Apparently called to the wedding day altercation, officers realized that the new (recycled?) bride had previously taken out a protection order against Cole. The groom was arrested and charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony, and ordered jailed without bail.

Leaving a blushing bride, I suspect.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:23 AM | Permalink

Because he's a chicken, of course!

Rudy is, in fact, a 5-foot, 400-pound bright blue rooster; not because he's been eating irradiated grain but because he's made of metal.

He managed to cross the road when somebody tried to steal him. For whatever reason, the thief gave up after crossing the road and Rudy's owner discovered the chicken he views as a 'family pet' next morning when he went for his daily paper.

The thief was obviously more chicken than Rudy.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:43 AM | Permalink

Fifty-five-year-old Faith Sullivan called a taxi service from a hotel and took a ride to the Compass Bank on Belair Boulevard (somewhere in Florida). The taxi waited outside for Sullivan to return. But, as taxi driver Malcolm Christian commented, "she wasn't cashing no check."

Sullivan is accused of robbing the bank and using Christian's taxi as her get-away car. The audacious former entertainer, once a member of the Air Force's band, is now in jail charged with robbery. Presumably she now sings for supper.

WKRG

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:54 AM | Permalink

Grayson Lee Clevenger, who was wanted in a first-degree burglary case in Burnsville, was involved in a police chase on July 22. The chase crossed the Minnesota-Wisconsin border and, close to the University of Minnesota, Clevenger fled on foot (which leads me to assume that, up until that point, he had been driving).

IN an attempt to bring the chase to a close, police called Clevenger on his cell phone. Clevenger answered their call with "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police." Then he hung up.

The police must have failed to catch their quarry because Clevenger was eventually arrested following another chase. Having crashed his stolen getaway car, Clevenger once again tried to run away. This time he wasn't quick enough; police caught and arrested him.

As of yesterday, he was being held in Hennepin County Jail.

My Fox Twin Cities

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:33 AM | Permalink

or are you pleased to see me?

In Palm Springs, California, an officer was rather perturbed by the swollen crotch of the man in a Wal-Mart Super Center. The puzzle was solved when the officer asked the man if he had anything on him that he (the officer) should know about; in response the man removed a 3 1/2-pound package of Foster Farms chicken breasts from the front of his pants.

Timothy Yates was booked on suspicion of possessing stolen property and taken to jail, where he was locked up in lieu of $5,000 bail. His crotch was far less spectacular following his arrest.

KNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:11 PM | Permalink

in the US we have Barbecue Pits!

The argument between a man and woman about whether or not a guest should stay in their home became so heated that the woman picked up the barbecue pit and hit the man over the head with it.

The man responded by using the pit to hit the woman over the head; the final response went to the woman, who used the barbecue pit to smash the back window of the man's car.

Both combatants received medical attention before being arrested. The man was charged with aggravated battery, his opponent with aggravated battery and criminal damage.

We are not told whether the guest stayed or not.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:00 PM | Permalink

Picture the scene: the driver of a 1999 Chevrolet Tahoe is trying to flee from the police. In his efforts to get away, he floors the gas pedal and drives out onto a lake. After fifty yards or so, it occurs to the driver that, unless he is the new messiah, he shouldn't be able to do this. He looks down in consternation and, a heartbeat later, he and his car plunge into the water. Cue Mutley laugh.

However, this isn't a scene from Wacky Races, this really happened. Steven M. Frissora had allegedly used his car in an aggressive manner against a man fishing with a young child before taking his plunge. According to police, the car traveled a full 50 yards before coming to a halt. And ironically, the fisherman, helped police to rescue Frissora from the water.

Frissora had been under police investigation for violation of a restraining order. Following his attempt to drive on water, Frissora was charged with:

* violation of a protective order
* failure to stop for police
* resisting arrest
* driving so as to endanger
* drunken driving (second offense)
* assault with a dangerous weapon (motor vehicle)

He is now also certain that he is not the Second Coming.

Worcester Telegram and Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:25 AM | Permalink

You have to admire thirty-three year old Edward Bishop for his cheek.

Bishop stole a Chevy Silverado pick-up truck and used it to drive to the convenience store. While sitting in the truck outside the 7-Eleven store, a man with a gun got into the truck and ordered Bishop to start driving.

When the pick-up ran out of gas, the hijacker ordered Bishop to get out and start pushing. However, the original thief took the opportunity to escape - and call the police.

Police spotted the truck the next day and, after a short chase that ended in a crash, hijacker Jomo Sexton was arrested.

How's that for karma in action!

San Francisco Chronicle

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:13 AM | Permalink

When a group of intruders went for a midnight skinny-dip in a swimming pool in Western Germany, they hadn't given any thought to planning a getaway should they get caught.

And get caught they did. Police chased the swimmers, who fled in different directions. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), one of the skinny-dippers jumped a wall - and landed straight in a hedge of nettles.

According to the police, all they had to do then was, "just follow the sound of the screaming."

Ouch...

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:16 AM | Permalink

There was uproar in an English court room last week when the defendant pulled two fingers from her handbag and said they belonged to one of her children.

The Judge immediately cleared the court and the police were called, along with social services and the child protection team.

The defendant was mother-of-six Remi Fakorede, who is now behind bars for a tax credit fraud amounting to 925,000 pounds ($1,808.29). Fakorede claimed that the fingers had fallen off the child's hand as a result of a strong voodoo curse; the same curse that had forced her (Fakorede) into crime.

Although it is understood one of her children had lost part of her hand after suffering renal problems and developing gangrene, DNA test results are now under way to find out who the fingers belong to.

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:11 AM | Permalink

Pennsylvania couple Philip Fleck and Heather Darcy egged the properties of over 400 people during an 18 month retaliation campaign against the friends they allege inflicted damages upon them.

Why should so many pay for the alleged actions of so few? Because Fleck and Darcy believed that this would draw suspicion away from them.

Police allege that the couple caused more than $7,000 during their campaign, but Darcy's mother denies this; she believes that police have got everything out of proportion - after all, she says, her daughter openly admitted things to the police, and was apologetic for one incident.

According to court documents, both Fleck and Heather Darcy admitted their role in the 18-month egg-tossing spree.

Why not take a look at the egg heads.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:03 AM | Permalink

A Victoria's Secret store in Milwaukee has reported the theft of 115 bras. The thief was a woman, apparently, although I have know idea how police know this fact. I want to know how the hell this woman smuggled 115 bras out of the shop without being noticed.

I assume that 'undercover' police are working in a supporting role in this case.

JS Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:40 AM | Permalink

John A. LaVoie ran a massage and prostitution business in his Tucson building that went under the name of Angel's Heaven. He claimed that Angel's Heaven was part of his church and was funded by donations.

The jury didn't seem to think that this sort of outreach service was part of the Lord's works; they found LaVoie guilty of 22 civil counts of racketeering. He was ordered to forfeit $850,000 he earned from the prostitution business and $81,000 in cash police seized during a raid. The 52 year-old was also ordered to give up an office building worth up to $1 million.

(sigh) I wonder would Jesus would say? Or should that be, I wonder what Jesus would donate...

AZ Central

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:55 AM | Permalink

Office Depot employee, Shaun Philistin, was disgruntled with his manager and was planning to rob the store's cash in revenge. Last week, with his friend, William Clairvin, Philistin put his dastardly plan into action.

On July 22nd, about an hour before the store opened, two masked men (that is, Clairvin and Philstin) confronted the manager. Tied up and confronted with violent behavior, the manager told the two masked villains to take what they wanted. Then it all started to go pear shaped. As the men left the manager's office, the door automatically shut and locked behind them. Obviously still fired up, the men tied up two employees, before trying, unsuccessfully, to get back into the officer.

By now the police had been called, and the two friends fled the scene towards their getaway car - a Cadillac. Unfortunately for them, they had to ask for jumper cables to start the car. Apparently the Cadillac belongs to Philistin and always has to be started from under the hood. Perhaps that should be Philistine with an 'e'...

Both men face charges of armed robbery with a firearm, aggravated assault, aggravated battery, grand theft, false imprisonment and use of a firearm during the commission of a felony.

Florida Today

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:35 AM | Permalink

Just a shame that it's in China!

Leng Qiang had been on the police 'wanted' list for two years after robbing a nightclub. Then police got lucky, hearing on the grapevine that Qiang had a new girlfriend and could possibly be hiding at her place. However, when the police arrived at the girlfriend's place, they found that her family was in situ, preparing for a wedding. What is more, the girlfriend was obviously pregnant.

The police waited outside the house for two days to avoid interrupting the wedding and to save embarrassing the family of the bride. As if that wasn't enough, once the wedding was over the police decided that the newly married couple should be allowed to enjoy their wedding night. So they planned the arrest for the following morning.

When police eventually did break in, the groom was still sleeping. The bride had no idea that her new husband was wanted by police and said that it was a bit late to find out now.

Aah!

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:31 AM | Permalink

Tommy Gill obviously hasn't been going to bed early enough; what other explanation is there for being found fast asleep in a child's bed - surrounded by stolen possessions?

A mother and her two children arrived home at about 11 o'clock at night after having been to a family get together. The 10 year old girl pointed out that the light was on, which it shouldn't have been. Sensing something was up, the mother sent her two children into the kitchen for milk and cookies, whereupon the family realized that the back door had been smashed in.

Gill was found fast asleep in the 12 year-old-boy's bed and, according to the children's mother, it took, police quite a while to wake him up. Twenty-seven year old Gill had picked up a rucksack and stuffed the boy's new X box computer and games into it. He also raided the boy's money box which contained 120 pounds he had saved up for his holiday. Having stuffed the cash down his trousers, Gill headed upstairs - and promptly fell asleep.

After he was arrested Gill told police he had taken 15 Valium tablets and was deeply sorry to the family for what he had done.

Gill, who has been branded 'Goldilocks' by the police, will appear for sentencing at Portsmouth Crown Court next month.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

Okay, who among you has never put something on top of your car and then forgotten about it when driving off? So all that's different in this case is that it was the guy's wife on top of the car and not his lighter.

Husband and wife, Diamond and Monica Mircea, were fighting in the early hours of Sunday morning. Witnesses said they saw the couple leave the house, whereupon Diamond jumped into the car and she climbed onto the car's roof to try to stop him.

Apparently, Diamond drove one block before his wife fell to the street and hit her head. Man, she's got some staying power, ain't she!

Monica Mircea is now hospitalized in critical condition. Diamond Mircea has been charged with vehicular assault and driving while intoxicated. What a gem of a man he is.

wcbstv

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

Sgt. Jay Newton took a real licking from eighteen-year-old Ryan Halverson when he arrested him on suspicion of being drunk last Wednesday.

As he was taking items from the handcuffed Halverson's pockets, the prisoner leaned over and licked the officer on the left cheek. Newton moved out of range in time to avoid a second lick. Halverson was rewarded with a charge of assault on an officer; he's currently languishing in Brazoria County Jail on $10,000 bond.

Police Chief Jeff Pynes commented, "We want people to like our officers, but not to lick them."

Pynes went onto say that licking could be serious because of the risk of disease. Quite. Halverson has no idea where Newton's face has been.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

Trooper, Nicholas Cortes, stopped a westbound Cadillac for following another vehicle too closely and asked for permission to search the car.

Cortes' search unearthed 1,000 individual packets of heroin with a street value of $25,000, four bags of marijuana and four vials of an unknown yellow liquid, and about $3,000 in cash.

The five occupants of the car were arrested on charges of possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver, conspiracy, possession of a controlled substance and possession of a small amount of marijuana. They were sent to Monroe County Prison under $80,000 bail.

If the famous five had been regular readers of Dumb Justice, they would have known better. In fact, Dumb Justice should be mandatory reading for all self-respecting criminals.

Morning Call

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

A Cincinnati woman has been charged with aggravated assault after trying to stuff a peanut into the mouth of a nut allergic neighbor. The accused is Robyn Lee, who appeared in court on Monday, and who was also charged with 'related criminal damage.'

Police records reveal that Lee and her nut allergic neighbor were in the car when the incident happened, en route to the mall. Once they reached the mall, the assaults continued, with Lee allegedly throwing peanuts at her neighbor. The neighbor also noticed Lee 'messing with my tires' shortly afterwards. She did find that the windscreen wipers were torn off, the tires deflated, and the paintwork had been keyed. So that will be the related criminal damage, then.

For the assault with a deadly peanut, a judge set Lee's bond at $5,000 and ordered her to stay away from Ferguson. I'd want her to stay away from my car too!

Cincinnati.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

At the beginning of July, two men broke into the Fred Meyer department store northeast of Seattle. They were arrested soon afterwards.

Officers followed a trail of cardboard and items from store storage containers; a trail that led to two sleeping men. One was sleeping in a stolen hammock and the other on a pile of stolen pillows.

Police say they photographed the less than dynamic duo before waking them up so they could be arrested. Apparently, alcohol was involved and the men have been charged with second degree burglary.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:48 AM | Permalink

When restaurant workers arrived for work in Dayton this week, they were faced with the sight of a middle aged, naked man sitting on his front porch and fondling himself. When police arrived, the 58 year old told them "It's OK. I'm a nudist. It's hot out." By his side was a 40 ounce half-empty container of alcohol. Once the man had put on his clothes, he was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of public indecency.

Why is it never young, fit, good-looking people who break the laws of public decency?

Springfield News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:12 PM | Permalink

When a Kimberly Cole found her partner, Joel Goldsmith, smoking cocaine in their bathroom, she turned the shower on him to wash away the drugs. When he refused to stop smoking the cocaine, she whacked him with the toilet seat.

The Florida couple was arrested. Cole was charged with battery and Goldsmith with possession of cocaine.

Okay - why was there a lone toilet seat lying around? Perhaps she wasn't just pissed at the dope smoking, what really sparked her anger was the fact that the seat had been lying there for ages waiting for Goldsmith to get around to fixing it.

Firstcoastnews.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

When two trailers of bananas, worth an estimated $40,000 went missing in Delaware, State Police Cpl. Jeffrey Whitmarsh was heard to comment "Someone's got a whole lot of potassium."

The trailers, minus bananas, were found in the Bronx on Saturday.

Altogether now: Daylight come, an me wan go home

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:15 AM | Permalink

Rule Number One: Do not leave search terms like "ethylene glycol death human" on your computer.

James Keown poisoned his wife with Gatorade and antifreeze over a period several months before administering a final, fatal does on Sept. 4, 2004. He killed her for her $250,000 life insurance policy because he was deeply in debt.

The defense told the jury that Julie Keown could have committed suicide or accidentally ingested the chemical. No antifreeze was found in the Keowns' home. However, a computer expert told the court that two days before Julie Keown entered the hospital the first time, James Keown's computer showed he did a search using the words "ethylene glycol death human."

Keown has been sentenced to life imprisonment without parole.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:26 AM | Permalink

Life wasn't easy for the clerk in the convenience store. A steady trudge of customers, all of them convinced they were the only ones to need service, all of them in too much of a hurry to pass the time of day with the lowly store assistant. Things couldn't really get any worse. Could they?

Yup!

Just after midnight a man walked in and demanded money. When our poor, lowly clerk refused, the man snatched a banana from the counter and started hitting the clerk with it.

You know, everybody has their threshold, and our clerk had reached his. He drew a knife. Banana man split.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:55 AM | Permalink

A man dressed as a penis disrupted graduation day at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. Allegedly, Calvin Morett brought a halt to proceedings as diplomas were being handed out by marching across the stage wearing an inflatable six foot penis costume. He was, apparently, easy to catch because he kept tripping over his balls. The inflatable ones that is.

The upstanding young man was ticketed for disorderly conduct, a violation, and will face the charges in City Court on Tuesday.

Times Union

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

A man stands accused of stabbing his mother in the back with a dinner fork, clubbing another woman over the head with a 10-pound frozen chicken, and resisting arrest by Jackson County police officers. The man is currently residing at Jackson County Jail.

Personally, I blame the parents.

It's obvious, isn't it, that if the mother had fulfilled her motherly duties and had cooked the chicken, her son would have had something tastier to stab with his fork.

Michigan Live

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:52 AM | Permalink

The woman from Myrtle Beach who reported her car stolen shouldn't have been surprised really.

She loaned the car, a 2008 Kia Spectra , to a man she met in a parking lot. After chatting for twenty minutes or so, the man, who was accompanied by two prostitutes, asked if he might borrow the woman's car to go buy some crack cocaine. He couldn't pay her cash but offered her some cocaine in exchange for the car loan , saying that he would return the following night.

She's still waiting.

Myrtle Beach Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

A man found asleep in his motorized wheelchair on a northern Australian highway has been charged with drunk driving.

The man was spotted by police officers on Friday morning as they passed by the exit lane near the city of Cairns. Other motorists swerved to get around the man, who was slumped in the stationary chair right on the exit lane.

When breath tested, the 64 year registered a blood alcohol reading of over six times the legal limit and he was charged with operating a vehicle while drunk. He has been ordered to report to court on July 7.

Apparently, the man was making the nine-mile trip to from his home to his friend's house. He faces a stiff penalty - and to get over it he will, of course, need a stiff drink.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:43 AM | Permalink

I was tempted to classify this as Dumb Celebrity, but it would have been a little disingenuous.

God has been arrested in Tampa, Florida, and charged with selling cocaine.

God Lucky Howard has been under investigation since last month but he was eventually arrested on Saturday after allegedly attempting to sell cocaine to undercover detectives. A subsequent search of his home uncovered a further 22 grams of the drug together with a set of scales.

Records show God was charged with several counts of drug possession and distribution. His charges were increased because he was selling his wares within 1,000 feet of a church.

God might want to rethink his middle name - Lucky doesn't really cut it, does it?

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:29 AM | Permalink

Eighteen officers from London's Metropolitan Police Force, the largest force in Britain, have been handed written warnings for bragging on a Facebook site about crashing cars and hitting pedestrians.

The policemen joked about injuring members of the public on a site called Look I’ve Had a Pocol – slang for police collision.

Before it was disbanded in January, the site had 200 members located around the world. One pictured showed a police vehicle in an accident with a small white car, along with the comment, "I did him a favour. At 82 years old you just shouldn’t be on the road and if you are, then most certainly don’t go through a green light into the path of an innocent police car."

Another entry read, "Ran over a drunk. I believe he has a permanent limp and a hefty payout. I was given a three-month holiday from job driving. Ooh, bummer."

Ah, makes me proud to be British!

The Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

IT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO UPSET THE CHEF!

Former restaurant cook, Ryan Kropp, has been charged with a felony of placing foreign objects in edibles, for which he faces a possible jail sentence of three-and-a-half years. The foreign objects were his pubic hairs.

Kropp was fired, along with another cook, following an incident back in February; when a manager asked a customer how his steak was, the customer remarked that it was overdone. However, he had almost finished eating it and declined the offer of a new steak.

But the manager must have just attended a customer service seminar or something, because he insisted on having Kropp prepare a new steak, medium rare, for the customer to take home.

The following day, after finding hair in his medium rare steak, the customer called the restaurant and police.

A second kitchen worker told police Kropp had put a slit in the cooked steak and pushed something inside, saying, "These are my pubes."

Kropp said that, in fact, it was his facial hairs he had put in steak and he did it because he thought the customer was trying to get stuff for free.

Wherever they came from, they were short and curly. Moral: don't ever complain in a restaurant; they don't just spit in your coffee, they put pubes in your food too.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:09 AM | Permalink

NOW WE HAVE A MAN HIDING IN A WOMAN'S COUCH!

The 22 year old New York woman got more than she bargained for when she sat on her couch last Wednesday evening; as she sat down, she felt a bump in the cushions. And the bump moved.

She jumped up (well, you would, wouldn't you) and David Joe Limones, who had cut a hole in the couch and was hiding in the carved out space, emerged, knocking a cell phone out of the woman's hand as he did so.

The woman had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and, when she entered her apartment, she was on the phone because she was worried he might lying in wait for her. Very sensibly, she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong.

When officers arrived, they found Limones and the the woman arguing on the balcony.

Limones, 27, faces burglary and other charges. He is being held on $20,000 bail. Next time you go searching down the back of the couch for spare change, think on!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:52 PM | Permalink

John Christopher Williams is well known to police and often fails to show up for court appearances, which usually leads to a warrant for his arrest.

Nothing was out of the ordinary yesterday then, when police turned up at Williams' home and arrested him; that is, nothing was out of the ordinary until the bad boy was checked into the cells. There, wrapped neatly around his penis, prison guards discovered nine grams of marijuana.

Williams, claiming that it had all been a misunderstanding, was sentenced to 30 days in prison.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:40 AM | Permalink

MAKE LEMONADE!

The young girl wasn't going to let the crook get away easily. He had stolen $17.50 from her lemonade stand and she went after him, chasing him into a nearby home before calling police. It took an hour of coaxing before the thief , 18 year old Steve Tryon, surrendered. He was arrested on a preliminary felony charge of robbery and jailed, scheduled to appear in court Tuesday.

What a guy - stealing from kids then being too frightened to come out of hiding.

The kids said they would continue to sell lemonade, but with an adult's supervision.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:03 AM | Permalink

A British woman with a bad wig arrived at an airport in Norway on Sunday, in fact, the wig was so bad customs officials felt the need to examine it more closely.

Sure enough, beneath the wig authorities found 2.2 pounds of cocaine glued to the woman's real hair. It was glued so tightly that it had to be removed in hospital.

The smack head is being held until July 15, pending a formal indictment and trial.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:50 AM | Permalink

When Frank Keys was pulled over for a traffic violation, he was ordered out of the car and patted down. Officers reportedly felt a "large, hard object in the pants area." It wasn't what you think though, in fact, I don't imagine that Keys could have been any less pleased to see the feds. You see, that large hard object was more 200 grams of heroin! Keys was storing it in a diaper he was wearing.

Your mother was right - always ensure you're wearing clean undergarments when you leave home; certainly don't go out with a diaper full of shit!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

Do you remember that story about the woman who got stuck to the toilet after refusing to leave the bathroom for two years? After having sat on the toilet continually for a month, she had sores that would stick to the seat, making it impossible for her to get up. At the time, the sheriff requested that the county attorney charge her boyfriend, Kory McFarren for mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Well, at his court appearance yesterday, McFarren pleaded no contest to mistreating his girlfriend, he also pleaded no contest to an unrelated charge of lewd and lascivious behavior, which stemmed from an incident in March in which he allegedly exposed himself to a minor.

Hell, he was probably just having a pee - after all, he couldn't use the john!

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:45 AM | Permalink

When Luigi Folliero had served one year of a two-year prison sentence, the authorities released him for jail intending for him to serve the second year of his sentence for theft under house arrest.

Unfortunately, poor Luigi just couldn't hack it. After only two days, at home he fled back to the jail, near Naples, Ponte and pleaded to go back in his old cell because he could not stand being at home with his wife.

He told prison officers, "She never stops moaning and nagging."

Well, if he can't do the time, he shouldn't have done the crime, should he. I think he should be sentenced to another 20 years under house arrest; a pretty standard sentence in most marriages.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:31 AM | Permalink

If ever you're in Singapore and have a yen to sniff the armpits of passing women - don't do it! On Friday, a Singapore native who had a thing about sniffing women's armpits was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane. Mind you, he did have previous convictions for sex-offenses and, apparently, he is mentally unstable.

Having spent a blissful 15 months sniffing at the armpits of women he met in lifts, on staircase landings, and in their own homes, the snooping snuffler was finally apprehended when a housewife reported him to the police.

In Singapore, caning on the buttocks is an additional punishment for male criminals who have committed offences ranging from vandalism to illegal possession of drugs and rape.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:16 AM | Permalink

A man in Connecticut found a raw roasting chicken by the roadside on Monday morning. I'm not going to worry myself about why he would be picking up raw roasting chickens from the roadside, it might take me places I don't want to go.

Anyway, back to the chicken. This wasn't any ordinary chicken, this chicken had an interesting extra - a pipe bomb was stuffed inside it. The bomb squad was called and they blew up the chicken with a controlled explosion.

Go figure.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:50 AM | Permalink

Well it was for this unfortunate burglar...

George Watson, the intended victim of the burglary, was having a leisurely bath when he heard a "scream, a roar and a commotion" coming from his back garden. Wrapped only in a towel, he rushed outside to see what was happening, only to see somebody making a quick getaway in a van. Apart from Watson's very agitated three-year-old English mastiff, all that was left behind was a torn t-shirt.

Watson can only assume that the dog, who goes by the name of Cromwell, tore the shirt from the thief's back to stop him stealing the family's lawnmower, which had been taken from the shed and left by the gate.

Cromwell weighs in at just under 22 stones, and he could be the world's heaviest English mastiff. The thief obviously got off lightly.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:29 AM | Permalink

OR WILL THAT JUST GLAMORIZE THEM?

You wouldn't have classified a three-hole-punch as a lethal weapon, would you? But on Saturday a teenager answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted with two mask-wearing robbers, one of whom was carrying a black gun. The other robber was carrying a three-hole paper puncher.

I suppose the boy was lucky that, as they demanded money, they used the paper punch to beat him with, rather than resort to the gun. Anyway, they got his cash and made off in an unknown direction - I suspect they made off to accounts payable and will send him a receipt.

Sun Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:59 AM | Permalink

THIS SHOULD CONVINCE YOU!

Homeless 19 year old Calvin Robinson spent $100 on a color copier and paper to make counterfeit money; he needed the money so he could buy $90 worth of marijuana.

It was on Wednesday last that security officers at a shopping mall noticed a man had been locked in the third-floor bathroom for more than an hour. They got the door open, only to find a color copier sitting on the floor and sheets of paper printed with uncut $10 bills; Robinson said he used the bathroom because he needed somewhere with an electrical outlet.

Robinson made an initial court appearance Thursday in Spokane County District Court, where bail was set at $15,000 - I hope they didn't confiscate that photocopier.

Spokesman Review

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:08 AM | Permalink

From Florida, news that a bank robber "held a gun in a strange manner, even backward during the holdup." Before showing his weapon, the man handed the teller a piece of paper then casually but awkwardly laid his handgun on the counter - pointing towards himself. I suppose that means it was a nug and not a gun.

Local 6

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:26 AM | Permalink

When an Iowa man was caught with a 'large quantity' of marijuana, he told police that it was intended for recycling.

Apparently he had several large bags, each of which held at least a 'gallon' of marijuana. Does that mean it comes in linctus form now?

They thought it was shit too, and remanded him on a charge of possession with intent to supply. Bail was set at $14,000.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:41 AM | Permalink

IT'LL FALL OFF IF YOU DON'T LEAVE IT ALONE!!

Kojo Atta jumped from a second floor window in a bid to escape the courthouse last Tuesday.

Attu , a mechanic, stands accused of stealing two mobile phones and threatening the lady owners with a knife.; oh, and of escaping lawful custody. When the time came to explain his escape, Atta reported that the conditions in the prison were not good. In fact, he said, conditions were so bad that his penis had started to rot, which he feels is unfair because, he says, he is innocent.

Mr Richard Asiedu-Badu, the presiding judge, shared his concerns but said his alleged innocence did not give him the ticket to escape from the law and promised to convey his message to the Interior Minister for the prisons to be reformed.

He then sentenced Atta to three months. Could be called a 'soft' sentence, I suppose.

Modern Ghana.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:29 AM | Permalink

Two men ensured they'd be remembered when they disguised their faces with women's thongs before robbing a convenience store. A surveillance video has been released showing the partners in crime; one of them is about 6 feet tall and weighs between 160 and 180 pounds, while his friend is shorter and fatter, weighing in at about 200lbs. He's only about 5'8" tall and also has a tribal tattoo on his left arm .

I think the short, fat one should think again about the thong, they are very unforgiving to the more rotund figure. He'd be better served with a fully fashioned gusset.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:14 AM | Permalink

In Japan, a man shared his home, and his closet, with a homeless woman for a year without realizing. He only became suspicious when he noticed his food was disappearing. The woman was eventually discovered on Thursday; she was found hiding in the top compartment of the man's closet and was arrested for trespassing.

The woman told police she had no place to live and had initially sneaked into the man's house a year ago when he left it unlocked. During her stay, she had moved a mattress into the small closet space and had even took showers, but the house owner only began to investigate when he realized that food had been disappearing from his kitchen over the past several months.

If she'd moved the TV remote, he'd have kicked up a stink on the day she moved in.

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:06 AM | Permalink

Jose Cruz Salas stole a bracelet from a small girl on Sunday but he was quickly traced by the police. In effort to hide his ill gotten gains, Salas swallowed the gold bracelet.

The police, however, were not to be beaten. Having arranged for an x-ray of Salas stomach contents to ensure that the gold bracelet was where the crook said it was, police arrested him and committed him to jail - where laxatives were administered in order retrieve the evidence.

Salas faces robbery charges, punishable by a fine or a jail term of six months to 15 years - depending on the bracelet's value. Its worth could not be immediately determined; some poor soul will have to attend to that task when nature takes its course. A real case of 'its a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.' I'd hate to be the new boy in that jail this week!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:58 AM | Permalink

To say that the two Australian burglars who broke into a house during a midnight raid in Melbourne were startled is probably something of an understatement.

The burglars broke into the house by way of a window, only to find that they had been upstaged by a group of drug squad officers who were raiding the house in search of drugs. The police officers had entered through the front door at just about the same time the burglars were entering through the back window.

The burglars made a rapid getaway, but were caught a couple of days later and remanded to appear in court.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:50 AM | Permalink

In British Columbia yesterday morning, the Royal Mounted Canadian Police once again got their man. Following a 30 minute chase through rush our traffic, the 'crazed, naked, man' was struck by a police SUV, which sent him tumbling over the hood and off the windshield.

The man had been threatening to blow up a bridge, having stolen some coveralls and a white 15-ton truck. He neglected to put on the coveralls but he drove over several police spike belts, made three U-turns on the highway and finally stopped after rolling backward down a hill.

Officials are investigating whether hitting the man with the SUV was intentional or an accident. Oops!

Times Columnist

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:49 AM | Permalink

Twenty-three year old Jerry Boston Jr. punched a man at a Marathon gas station and was arrested. The arresting officer was a little taken aback to find 23 packs of Slim Jim beef jerky and "hot sausages" in his pants.

Apparently the sausage loving Boston tried to pay for one sausage but the clerks could clearly see five more sticking out of his pants.

When one of the female clerks tried to call the police, Boston called her a lesbian, telling her to shut up because he had to feed his kids.

Perhaps she just isn't too keen on trouser sausages.

Palm Beach Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:33 AM | Permalink

25-year-old Kasey G. Kazee was sentenced to 10 years in prison for a less than successful robbery attempt at a Kentucky liquor store.

Kazee disguised himself by wrapping his head in duct tape, leaving just his eyes and mouth free, then he held up the store, threatening to harm the clerk if she didn't hand over the cash. Not surprisingly, the clerk complied.

Enter the hero! Another employee of the store tackled the duct tape bandit and held onto him until police arrived.

Now, I don't know about you but the thought of ripping duct tape from my face causes an involuntary curling in the toe area. I now know that duct tape doesn't stick to sweat - the police report said that Kazee perspired so much that theh tape just 'fell off.'

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:00 AM | Permalink

A 38-year-old plumber from Japan was arrested on Sunday after making 3,100 hours worth of free calls to a food company's guidance line. The cost to the company was 4 million yen, almost $39,000. Apparently, the man was so turned on by the voice on the automated tape that he phoned it 500 times in a 16 month period.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:59 AM | Permalink

or maybe it should be Dumb Justice

The following ad recently appeared on the German eBay site:

"Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches (70 cm) long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller."

The mother insists the ad was a joke, and I have to say I was mildly amused. The authorities, however, have placed the baby into care.

Despite appearing for two-and-a-half hours, and being priced to move at just 1 Euro, no offers were received.

Oh, come on, don't say it has never crossed your mind!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:02 AM | Permalink

A man was arrested yesterday on suspicion of having sex with a taxi cab. Yes, you did read that right!

According to a report on the self-styled 'website of the Central Coast' Cody Eugene Williams was found wearing only his birthday suit and simulating intercourse on the windshield of a taxi cab. Williams also jumped on three other cars and broke a windshield. The report does not say how he broke the windshield but one suspects he might be rather proud of himself.

Unsurprisingly, Williams was drunk at the time of his arrest, when he was booked and jailed on suspicion of vandalism, indecent exposure and committing a lewd act.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:49 AM | Permalink

Three Tennessean Teenagers (don't you just love the alliteration there!) have been charged with causing $14,000 worth of damage when they hot-wired golf carts at the Bays Mountain Golf Course. The carts were found scattered across the course, including one in the creek near hole12.

The suspects were located after deputies found a truck belonging to the mother of one of the accused, which had been left at the scene, complete with bolt cutters and gloves. I can't for the life of me work out why the boys would drive to the course and then walk home. But then I can't work out how they managed to cause $14,000 worth of damage either.

Tenessean.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:57 AM | Permalink

A 17-year-old youth, up before the judge on two charges of entering a dwelling with intent and stealing, let his mobile ring with the music of US rapper Akon yesterday. Thing is, he was sitting in the front row of Darwin Magistrates Court when it happened.

It seems that magistrate, Daynor Trigg, can't take the rap; in fact, he became quite irate and sent the boy to the cells for three hours.

When the boy answered the phone Magistrate Trigg shouted, "How dare you answer a phone in court ... that allows transmissions from court ... which is a serious contempt." Thing is, if the boy didn't answer it, it would have continued to make that incessant, appalling noise, wouldn't it!

I think this was what is termed a 'no win situation.'

Northern Territory News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:00 AM | Permalink

Michael Myers (yes, you did read that right, Michael Myers) encouraged a woman to get into his car by impersonating a police officer. He said that she was too drunk to make her own way home and he would give her a ride; to assuage her fears, he showed her a cop badge.

It was only sometime later, after a concerned call to the police by two firefighters who had witnessed the scene, that officers discovered the silver badge in Myers car. It read "Official Boob Inspector, Department of Titillation."

Listen, I wouldn't have needed a badge, once the guy told me he was Michael Myers, I'd have been outta there!

Courier-Journal.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

In Somerset County, two men have been charged with trying to steal live power lines. The lines were still attached to a transformer and the utility poles. It wasn't just the fact that they disrupted power to area residences for about five hours that shocked them.

Both men were charged on Wednesday, however, only one of them was well enough to attend the hearing.

My Way

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:09 AM | Permalink

Well according to New Orleans television station WDSU crime and safety specialist, Howard Robertson, his necklace will match his dress, his nails will be painted, and his wig will be well made.

Robertson was reporting on the recent robbery of a New Orleans Burger King by a man in a dress. Commenting on the CCTV footage showing the robber, wearing a dress with a revealing bust line and hair barrette, as he climbed through the take-out window, he opined: "By looking at the vehicle pull up, we can tell that's a pickup, and if you look at the rims -- you know that's not a Ford or GM."

Boy Wonder then went on to say: "The other thing I wanted to look at was whether he got out the driver's or passenger's door to see if he had an accomplice, somebody who was driving his vehicle when he left. But he got out the driver's side."

He doesn't say whether he worked out that the girl was a guy because of the Whopper beneath his dress.

WMTV

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:51 AM | Permalink

A man has drowned in Orange County after stealing a canoe. Thing is, he was drunk when he stole the craft, which is possibly why he forgot that he was unable to swim. He obviously couldn't canoe!

The report says that the victim drowned in only 4 to 6 ft of water. Why didn't he just stand up?

The dead man is survived by the two friends who were with him at the time but they will not face charges as the owner of the canoe does not wish to prosecute.

Orlando Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

Last week, Joel David Arseneau appeared in a Halifax court on charges of breaching probation and court orders.

As he appeared before Judge Barbara Beach, Arseneau, dropped his pants, exposing his underwear, and asked Judge Barbara if she would like to engage in oral sex. He was hustled away from the court but Judge Beach said that, so long as Arseneau kept his pants on, she was prepared to go ahead with the trial.

Arseneau was duly returned to the court room, but the case was adjourned and the accused was remanded to a correctional facility until Monday. As he left the court Arseneau asked a clerk if she would like to see his genitals. Whether or not the clerk accepted the kind offer is not recorded.

A doctor has since assessed Arseneau and recommended that he undergoes psychiatric assessment. I don't see that an assessment is required, they've already seen he's nuts.

Novia Scotia News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:42 AM | Permalink

On Saturday police in Bismarck, North Dakota, held their annual auction, attracting hundreds of people.

One very dumb criminal was caught red-handed as he attempted to steal a screwdriver set from inside vehicle that was on sale. Unsurprisingly, given that this was a police auction, the man was arrested and searched. Officers found a gold bracelet in his pocket that had also been taken from the sale.

I don't think he's found his niche yet.

Bismarck Tribune

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:35 AM | Permalink

An unnamed woman from Quebec has been arrested and held after 11.5 kilos of cocaine worth $1.4 million were found hidden in packs of cake mix she had shipped from Peru.

What amuses me most about this report is not the stupidity of importing coke in cake boxes (or should that be cake in coke boxes) but the fact that the opening paragraph reads:

Quebec woman is feeling the heat after 12 kilos of cocaine were found in boxes of cake mix being brought into the country through Pearson Airport

But the charge is for 11.5 kilos. Okay guys, who's got the spare half kilo?

Canoe

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

Michael Geoffrey Linn seemed to be one of a dying breed - a gentleman robber. When he robbed a bank recently, he said to the clerk, "I'm sorry miss, I didn't mean to frighten you but I'm very, very desperate." Ah, what a sweetie!

Having carried out his heist, Linn drove to the river front, where he set light to the clothes he had been wearing. Somebody noticed the fire and called the emergency services. However, construction workers got their first, and they put out the fire using their shovels. They rescued the partly burned clothes and some papers, finding Linn's name and address among the remains.

Linn was arrested but said he had given the money to an associate. Then he started walking and officers were bemused by the crackling sound coming from the area of his butt. Further investigation revealed a roll of bank notes protruding from Linn's anus.

The money is to be destroyed. No shit!

Stuff.co.nz

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:59 AM | Permalink

A woman shopping for a new dress on Sunday was surprised, to say the least, when she saw a mirror appear beneath the door of her fitting room. She opened a door and saw man walking away. The suspect is described as sporting a goatee beard, glasses, and long hair cut into a bowl shape.

No wonder he gets his kicks with mirrors under doors - he doesn't sound the most attractive of characters does he!

Colombia Tribune News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:48 AM | Permalink

A German thief, wanting to take good care of his newly, unlawfully acquired haul of rare coins, took them to the bank for deposit in the vaults. The bank clerk responsible for handling the coins recognized them as the ones that had gone missing from his home three days earlier; they were worth in the region of $80,000.

Police tracked the culprit down from bank information.

Heads you win, tails you lose.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:17 AM | Permalink

Brian Lee Benefiel got married on Monday; the presiding officer was Spokane County Superior Court Judge Ellen Kalama Clark. Immediately following the ceremony, he pleaded guilty to residential burglary and assault in an incident last year where he hit a man over the head with a hammer, The presiding officer was Spokane County Superior Court Judge Ellen Kalama Clark. He was sentenced to 18 years imprisonment for assault, which is to run concurrently with his life sentence. .

As usual, he will be eligible for parole from his imprisonment in 12 years time. He will not be eligible for parole from his life sentence.

Seattle Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:41 AM | Permalink

Police in Dallas stopped a car on Tuesday morning and found an ATM in the back seat. The officers had seen the suspects stealing the cash machine at 2.30 am that morning and followed the car for a block before making the arrest. Apparently, the early morning theft of ATM's is getting to be quite a problem in Dallas.

Well you know how it is, you get to the machine only to realize that you've left your purse at home. Instead of going all the way back home to get it, its much easier to take the machine home - saves that extra journey, you see.

Dallasnews

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:56 AM | Permalink

Escaped convicted killer, Ralph Whitfield Morris, returned to jail of his own volition on Friday. Morris, who had escaped from the minimum security facility in British Columbia's Fraser Valley, said he had been living in the nearby forest but couldn't stand the harsh conditions. He also said that he returned to jail because he realized he had done wrong.

I wonder if his conscience would have pricked him quite so sharply had he escaped to a white sandy beach and warm sunshine.

Canadian Press

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:25 AM | Permalink

In England we have a phrase that is commonly used to describe something that is better than all its competitors; that phrase is "It's the dog's bollocks." The following story gives the phrase a whole new meaning...

A 39 year-old was rushed to hospital in France with his penis sliced off. The emergency services had been called by his 64 year-old girlfriend. She told ambulance men that the dog had chewed off her boyfriend's genitals and eaten them.

The woman has been handed a 12-year jail sentence for castrating her partner while he was unconscious and then blaming her pet dog.

Well, I know we all blame 'gas explosions' on the dog, but I think she's taken it all a step to far here.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:08 AM | Permalink

An employee at the Royal Mail's Northampton sorting office received a police escort home after turning up for work wearing non-Royal Mail blue shorts. When asked to take unpaid time go home and change into his 'official' shorts, the man refused, so his managers called in the police to escort him from the premises.

A police spokesman confirmed that they had received a call to deal with a Royal Mail employee who was behaving in a disruptive manner.

And the reason the postman wasn't wearing his Royal Mail shorts? The Royal Mail hadn't actually given him any! They have, apparently, now issued him with £30 to buy himself a pair of blue shorts; of course, they won't be Royal Mail issue because you can't buy those in the shops.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:31 PM | Permalink

EVEN IF IT IS BY ACCIDENT!

In Scotland, prisoner William Whitson found himself outside the walls of Castle Huntly open prison 'by accident.' He was simply running away from another inmate and, whoops, all of a sudden there he was - gone.

Whitson, who was found walking along the dual carriageway towards Perth. was running away from another inmate, who had stabbed him. When he was found he had injuries to his head that required 13 stitches.

The accidental absconder was told by the judge at his hearing, "The court does not approve of someone who leaves prison, but taking into account the fact the circumstances are different I think the appropriate sentence is three months."

Perhaps the assault and robbery that landed him in jail in the first place was an accident too.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:16 PM | Permalink

...YOU HAVE TWO TO CHOOSE FROM!

John Fowler was released from jail at 3:29 pm. on Sunday, having been arrested by the Highway Patrol for driving while suspended and for operating his vehicle in an unsafe manner.

Two-and-a-half hours later, at about 6 pm, a female jailer, Stephanie Criter, reported the theft of $10 and three credit cards from her purse, which was inside her car. She had seen Fowler standing by her car just after he had been released - in fact, she had spoken to him when he asked her for a cigarette. A short time later, there was a report that a man had tried to use Crites credit card.

The recently released inmate was caught soon after. He was found in possession of three credit cards and a baggie of marijuana. Within a few hours of being released, he was back behind bars.

So, we can forgive Fowler for mistake number one - even though he was thieving even before he left the grounds of the jail, we can put that down to his excitement at being released.

But trying to use a stolen credit card that belongs to the opposite sex - nope, we can't forgive that one!

Durant Daily Democrat

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:01 PM | Permalink

BUT THIS TIME IT WAS THE 'HAPPY' COUPLE, NOT THE GUESTS, WHO WERE INVOLVED IN THE PUNCH UP!

David M. Wielechowski, promised to love and honor his new bride,Christa Vattimo, but the couple exchanged blows as well as vows at their wedding on Saturday.

The post-wedding celebrations at the Holiday Inn were strenuous and physical; as they began arguing outside their room, Wielechowski "used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor." The new bride screamed and two guests from another wedding party ran to her aid, but she turned against them and assaulted them. The fight continued on into the elevator, and down into the lobby, where the newlyweds picked up metal planters, complete with plants, and threw them into the elevator at the two would- be rescuers.

The rescuers were rewarded for their concern with cuts, a missing tooth, and a suspected broken thumb.

Damage at the hotel was estimated to be in the region of $1,000. The new Mrs Wielechowski left the celebrations with her father, and Mr Wielechowski left alone. He was sporting a blackened and swollen left eye, tuxedo pants, a bloodied T-shirt and one shoe.

The couple were each charged with simple assault, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. The bride was also charged with public drunkenness.

Well, they say the first ten years are the worst!

Post Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:23 AM | Permalink

Only one line needed here:

A plane carrying a cargo of 440 lbs of hashish and bound for a private airstrip in Spain, crashed on Friday when the pilot completely missed the airfield and landed in a nearby gully. Two crew members died; one Spanish, the other Moroccan.

Sun Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:59 AM | Permalink

Florida grandmother, Dorothy Williams, said that her eight-year grandson "gets very upset and he loves to hit." She's not wrong, the second grade has been arrested for allegedly punching his teacher in the face in an argument over crayons.

Deshawn Williams was cuffed and arrested after leaving his teacher badly bruised. His behavior was so violent, that, when he left school, his wrists were in handcuffs and his teacher was badly bruised. He seemed clueless as to the inappropriateness of his behavior, saying, "I threw the chair over there and then she wants to press charges on me." He couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, after all, he said, he only hit her two times and not in the face, Oh, right, that's okay then, as long as he avoided the face!

Of course, the solution is simple - according to Dorothy anyway, she says, "if she can't deal with him, put him in someone else's classroom. If it's a male, whatever, and let them restrain him." She said the female teacher shouldn't be in that line of work if she couldn't restrain the tiny bully.

I have a problem with the name Dorothy - I always see Judy Garland in her ruby red slippers. I think this Dorothy is more like the Wicked Witch of the West, with the brain power of the Scarecrow.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

A Louisville man was arrested on Sunday morning after been seen at a gas station, where he was pumping gas into an imaginary car. The gas station clerk had called the police after seeing Joshua L Moore filling up an imaginary vehicle. When police arrived at the gas station, they immediately noticed a whiff of marijuana coming from Moore and, when they searched him, officers found two large bags of marijuana, together with a small amount of ecstasy. The police also say that the mobile phone and the large amount of cash they found on Moore was indicative of drug trafficking.

Nope - the large amount of money came from the fact that he drives an imaginary vehicle - and they cost far less to maintain. Now, if he could just find a source of imaginary fuel, he could avoid fuel tax and save even more money.

Moore, 25, was charged with three counts of trafficking. (that's real trafficking, not imaginary trafficking).

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:01 AM | Permalink

In the Democratic Republic of Congo, West Africa, there has been a rise in the incidence of penis stealing, the trend is growing so rapidly that police have arrested 13 men on charges of using black magic to shrink or steal penises (or should that be penii - I've never experienced more than one penis before!).

It was last week that this spate of willy witching started and radio call-in shows were quickly inundated with callers who advised listeners to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings. I have no idea what the wearing of a gold ring has to do with nicking somebody's nuts; perhaps its symbollock.

Ten years ago, in Ghana, 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by an angry mob - or perhaps they were beaten for the gold rings they were all wearing...

So gentlemen: beware of men wearing gold rings when you're out and about. You have been warned...

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:33 AM | Permalink

In Australia, police tasered a naked man who refused to come out of the roof cavity where he had been hiding.

The police responded to a phoned in report of a man jumping a back fence in a residential area. When officers arrived they found a pair of jeans and, when they searched the house, found a naked man hidden in the rafters. The man refused to come down and started to smash the roof in an effort to escape, so the police used their stun gun.

The 23 year old was taken to hospital with minor injuries and has been charged with damaging property, stealing a motor vehicle; breach of bail and two counts of outstanding warrants.

There is no news on the condition of the cavity.

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:54 AM | Permalink

You need some background information for this one:
One of Britain's favorite family dishes is Shepherd's Pie - minced lamb, carrots, and gravy, topped with mashed potato. When I was at school, I was taught to put sliced tomatoes on the top of the potatoes before serving - I went to a very posh all girls grammar school (a very long time ago). Okay, on with the story:

After a day spent drinking, Michael Garvin cooked his brother John a shepherd's pie, for which he expected a grateful response. John, however, was less than impressed - he wanted his dish topped with sliced tomatoes. As a trained chef, Michael disapproved of the sliced tomato topping, feeling it a wholly inappropriate garnish.

The two brothers could not agree on the niceties of shepherd's pie presentation and, to ram home the point that tomatoes were de rigeur, he hit his brother over the head with a shovel. When chef, Michael, still wouldn't concede the point, John threatened to petrol bomb the philistines apartment.

John was arrested and spent the night in the cells of Blackburn police station. At the subsequent court case, he admitted a breach of the peace, fined $400, and was bound over to keep the peace for 12 months.

By the way, in England it seems everybody has an opinion on the topic of shepherd's pie; District Judge Peter Ward told the defendant that, in his view, there was no need for a layer of tomatoes on a shepherd's pie.

Maybe it's a class thing?

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:08 AM | Permalink

...IT WOULD HAVE LASTED LONGER!

In Italy, a man has been given a suspended sentence for staring too hard at a woman who sat in front of him on a train. The man, who is in his 30's, was sentenced to 10 days in prison and a $63 fine after the 55-year old woman filed a complaint for sexual harassment.

The man and woman met twice; the first time, the man sat next to the woman but she felt he had moved too close for comfort. The next day, the man sat in front of the same woman and according to her complaint, stared at her for the whole journey.

I wonder if she ever considered that the man might have been counting her wrinkles.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

In England, those annoying traffic calming bumps in the road are known as sleeping policeman, but the following story gives a whole new meaning to the phrase!

When the Malaysian police officer broke into the Mercedes Benz car in order to steal its stereo, he was so tanked up on drugs that he fell asleep in the plush seats. He was, of course, arrested.

The rest of the article makes me think that the Malaysian police force must work to their own special agenda - apparently, when the sleeping policeman was arrested, he led police to three other police-linked members of an alleged gang who specialize in break-ins and motorcycle theft.

They've got links with the drugs world too, if the intoxicated sleeping beauty is anything to go by.

CBS

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:59 AM | Permalink

AND IS DISCOVERED TO BE CARRYING METHAMPHETAMINE!

You would think, wouldn't you, that the British presenter of CNN's Business Traveler show would know that New York Central Car Park has a 1am curfew - although he says that he didn't, which is why he was there at 3.40 am on Friday morning. And is why he was arrested.

The unwanted police attention led to the discovery of a plastic bag containing what was believed to be methamphetamine. Quest has been ordered to undergo six months counseling - if he complies, the case will be dismissed.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:49 AM | Permalink

BUT THIS BEATS EM ALL

A teacher accused of viewing pornography on a school computer said he accessed the adult images because he wanted to see if the school district had installed software to block such images.

Now the teacher is suing Cedarburg School District in a $9 million civil rights lawsuit, accusing them of violating his right to free speech in his union activities. The teacher says that he has been unable to get a job since being fired. That of course has nothing to do with the fact that he went into the school on a Sunday, Googled the word 'blonde' and then looked at the resulting images for over a minute.

Of course, he did it all for the wellbeing of the children, and I suppose simply asking if the District had installed software to block the images wouldn't have assured him of getting a truthful answer.

JSonline

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:37 AM | Permalink

Daniel Santos Ramirez left behind his wallet when he checked out of the Wal-Mart store on Sunday afternoon. He also left behind $420 and a pouch containing nine baggies of methamphetamine. However, he was not commenting on the lack of product choice at the store; he was actually on parole for supplying drugs.

When police checked his home they found a shotgun and drug-related items. Mr Ramirez is a very silly boy - even if he is 54 years old - he was due to get off parole this week.

kcra3.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

In Australia, for the second time today, a nervous criminal threw-up big time outside the post office he robbed. This, of course, left a wonderfully convenient pool of DNA for the cops to play with.

As a result, Ahmed Habib Jalloul, was found guilty of aggravated robbery in the District Court in Adelaide and received a three and a half year sentence, with a non-parole period of one year and four months.

Messenger Community News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

This dumb criminal is still at large, but whoever it is needs to be found quickly!

In Brisbane, Australia, police have had to evacuate a large area and fire services have been placed on standby after the discovery of military bombs in a recycling plant.

A spokesman said that several military rounds were found when cleaning through dumped items.

Where's Hans Blix when you need him?

news.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:12 AM | Permalink

Okay, just a word of advice here - if your shipment of marijuana is delivered by cops, something is going on!

On Thursday morning, the Sheboygan County drug enforcement team received a call to say that FedEx were delivering a 2lb package of puff, bound from California. The parcel was intercepted when a police dog was used to sniff it out, then the package was opened to check the contents, and reassembled for delivery to the person named on the address label.

The lucky recipient was Frank Hess, who was arrested after taking the package from the porch. He acknowledged he was expecting the package and said he knew it contained marijuana. Of course, what he should of said was, "Sorry, you just missed Frank, he emigrated yesterday." Still, what do I know.

He faces six years imprisonment for three felony charges: marijuana possession with intent to deliver, maintaining a drug trafficking place and possession of narcotic drugs.

thenorthwestern.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

DON'T THROW THE BABY AT THOSE SAME SOCIAL WORKERS!

A teenage mother whose newborn baby was taken from her by social workers has been banned from seeing her son after she threw him across the room during a fight with the boy's father. The fight occurred while the parents were visiting the baby, who is currently in foster care, during a session supervised by social workers from Nottingham City Council in England.

According to a report by one of the social workers who was present at the supervised meeting, the father first threw the mobile phone charger at the woman. She then threw it back at him, just missing the head of the baby. She then grabbed the child and forcefully thrust him into a baby bouncer before taking him back into her arms.

When one of the social workers said "give me the baby", she threw the child at her from about 18in away. The social worker observed that she did this "without due care of where he was actually going to land and without supporting his head."

Shortly before the fight, the woman had been ordered by a judge to go on a residential course to assess her abilities as a parent but she had given up after three days. On transferring the hearing to the County Court, the judge said the woman would have to take on board the council's concerns about her behavior.

Hmm, the ball is now in her court, let's hope the baby isn't. A baby in her arms is a lethal weapon; I mean, it must hurt like hell getting hit by a flying baby.

Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:16 AM | Permalink